Texans Sick and Tired of ‘Beautiful Ted Cruz’

During the 2016 presidential campaign Donald Trump mercilessly attacked Ted Cruz as `Lying Ted`. For good measure he also disparaged the looks of his wife, and claimed that his father was involved in the conspiracy to murder John F. Kennedy.

Naturally the press was curious how Trump could switch gears and enthusiastically support Cruz`s Senate campaign. Journalist Jonathan Karl asked Trump if Ted Cruz was still Lyin` Ted and he replied: He`s not Lyin` Ted anymore. He`s Beautiful Ted.

The nickname “Lyin` Ted” stuck like glue to Cruz, because mendacity is the essence of the Senator from Texas. It takes one to know one, and Trump christened Cruz with the perfect moniker.

I don`t think the new handle is going to stick, can you imagine a Texas redneck saying, “I`m going to vote for Beautiful Ted.”?

There is nothing beautiful about Cruz, his heart is the size and the texture of a kidney stone, his mind is a black hole where good thoughts disappear, and his face has been compared to everyone from Dracula to Grandpa Munster to ALF.

I doubt even Cruz`s homely wife has called him Beautiful Ted, Slimy bastard maybe, Zodiac Killer a-hole maybe, but Beautiful Ted, never!

If Beto O`Rourke beats Cruz I will be so overjoyed that I will call Cruz beautiful, and French kiss the ugly bastard.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter:

Donald Trump is a Functional Illiterate

Donald Trump has the grammar skills of a dyslexic fifth grader, and listening to his speeches on a regular basis is guaranteed to knock off twenty points from your IQ.

Trump`s lexicon is as thin as a pamphlet, and it would take an extraterrestrial only a couple of days to learn how to converse with him.

The Stable Genius saturates his conversation with adjectives, but his vocabulary contains only a few adjectives that we have become intimately acquainted with: bigly, huge, beautiful, incredible, and tremendous.

The presidential wordsmith has a penchant for overusing a few annoying phrases: fake news, witch hunt, con job, and his favorite “believe me,” ironic for a pathological liar who is the least believable person in the universe.

The short-fingered vulgarian occasionally utters profanities in public, but by all accounts his private discourse is littered with obscenities. It`s axiomatic that the more grammar-challenged a person is, the more he resorts to vulgarities.

Let me conclude this essay by telling Trump what I think of him in Trumpspeak:

Believe me, you are a fuc*ing moron with a huge propensity for lying and exaggerating. It will be a beautiful day when you are impeached, and removed from office. I can`t wait to christen your grave with golden showers, that will be the most glorious day in history.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Claims He Wanted the UN to Laugh at His Speech

“After he was laughed at on the world stage in an embarrassing moment on Tuesday, President Donald Trump is now claiming that his boasts to the United Nations General Assembly about his accomplishments in office were meant to get some laughter.

CNN`s Jim Acosta reported on Twitter Tuesday afternoon: Trump on laughter at UN during speech: `Oh it was great. Well that was meant to get some laughter, but it was great.`

The room full of world leaders at the General Assembly Hall rippled with laughter on Tuesday after the president claimed in his signature hyperbolic style that his administration `has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country.`”

People

This is a follow-up to my article: Donald Trump Laughed at by UN for Saying His Administration Has Accomplished Most in History

http://thesop.org/story/20180925/donald-trump-laughed-at-by-un-for-saying-his-administration-has-accomplished-most-in-history.html

The United Nations General Assembly is an august body where world leaders pontificate on serious matters, we vividly remember Colin Powell`s speech in 2003 where he articulated his case for war against Iraq.

The General Assembly isn`t akin to the White House Correspondents` Association Dinner where politicians play at being a late-night comic. Trump himself was deadly serious last year when he spoke before the General Assembly and threatened North Korea.

Trump`s boast that his administration has accomplished more than any other administration in history is a joke, but he wasn`t joking when he uttered the absurdity.

Trump`s boast wasn`t meant to elicit laughter, and you can be sure that he was seething on the inside when world leaders laughed at his remark.

Trump probably reamed his speechwriter, Stephen Miller, for including this line which works great at a campaign rally, but is patently ridiculous spoken anywhere else.

Read More:

https://people.com/politics/donald-trump-wanted-un-laugh-speech/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Laughed at by UN for Saying His Administration Has Accomplished Most in History

“President Trump on Tuesday strode to the podium at the United Nations General Assembly in New York City to share the extraordinary progress the United States has made during his time in office. The reaction he received from the assembled world leaders wasn`t what he was expecting.

`In less than two years my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country,` Trump proclaimed. There was a smattering of audible laughter from the assembled diplomats, representing 193 countries.

The president paused his prepared remarks.

`So true,` Trump said with a tight-lipped smile, adding: `Didn`t expect that reaction but that`s OK.`

More laughter and applause followed.”

AOL

A Donald Trump campaign rally is as well choreographed as a church service. When Trump wants to pump up the intensity he cries out “Lock Her Up” or “Build the Wall,” and the faithful dutifully repeat the refrain.

At every rally Trump boasts that his administration has accomplished more than any administration in the history of our country, and his devotees burst out in applause.

The president hasn`t locked up Hillary, built the wall, and he`s had precious few accomplishments, but his base lives in an alternate reality where he`s incoherent tweets and racist comments are making America great again.

Perhaps I shouldn`t compare a Trump rally to a church service but to a mass circle jerk, and when the orange messiah declares that his administration has accomplished more than any other administration confetti of orgasmic bliss rains down on the arena.

When the Stable Genius strode to the podium at the United Nations General Assembly in New York City, and made his familiar boast at the very least he expected polite applause. Instead he was greeted with incredulous laughter, because everyone in America outside of his base, and everyone in the world knows he`s a fuc*ing moron.

On the campaign trail Trump would often say that the world is laughing at us referring to Obama`s administration, it`s poetic justice that he was vividly shown that he`s the laughing stock of the civilized world.

Read More:

https://www.aol.com/article/news/2018/09/25/trump-touts-his-own-achievements-and-the-un-laughs/23541486/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Is Not My President!

The phrase “President Donald Trump” is an oxymoron, and many journalists, commentators and bloggers refuse to describe him in such terms. In fact, a substantial number of Americans don`t consider Trump their president, and they refuse to legitimize his administration in any way.

This is not simply a case of sour grapes over losing the election, Trump is uniquely unqualified, morally, ethically and intellectually to be president of the greatest democracy in history. Expecting patriotic Americans to accept the legitimacy of the Trump administration is akin to expecting Roman Catholics to accept Richard Dawkins as the Pope or Iranians to recognize Cardi B as their new Supreme Leader.

Something went horribly wrong on November 8, 2016, in a multiverse with an infinite number of universes ours is the only world where Trump won the presidential election. Even if you don`t believe in the multiverse theory of quantum physics or a sadistic deity who delights in playing practical jokes, you know there`s something rotten in Denmark.

So what does it mean in practical terms for a journalist or blogger not to accept the validity of the Trump administration? It means that we shouldn`t treat Trump as if he were an Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan or even a George W. Bush. Cable new networks shouldn`t broadcast his campaign speeches live, his tweets shouldn`t be parsed as if they were Shakespeare sonnets, and the White House press conferences, presided over by lying sycophant Sarah Huckabee Sanders, shouldn`t be telecast.

Donald Trump is a clown, buffoon, ignoramus and bully, and the racist bastard doesn`t deserve our respect. To hell with the argument that he deserves the benefit of the doubts that accrue to his office, he is an aberration and an abomination, and it`s incumbent upon patriots to dedicate their lives to get rid of him by any means necessary.

“Impeach Trump” shouldn`t just be the cry of leftist radicals, this chant should be heard everywhere, from the smallest rural towns to our greatest cities.

Not My President! Not now! Never!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Trump’s Bowling Ball Test

“President Donald Trump often speaks of how other countries treat American products unfairly. At a private fundraising event in Missouri, Trump singled out a particular practice in Japan.

`It`s called the bowling ball test. Do you know what that is?` Trump said, according to a recording obtained by the Washington Post. `That`s where they take a bowling ball from 20 feet up in the air, and they drop it on the hood of the car. And if the hood dents, then the car doesn`t qualify. Well, guess what, the roof dented a little bit, and they said, nope, this car doesn`t qualify. It`s horrible, the way we`re treated. It`s horrible.`”

Politifact

The Washington Post noted: It was unclear what he was talking about. No shi*! The same thing could be said after almost every Trump comment.

When White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked in her regular press briefing, what the heck Trump was talking about, she responded that he was just joking. That`s the default explanation for Trump aides when their boss utters a ridiculous statement.

I have my own version of the Bowling Ball Test, if you believe Japan employs a bowling ball test to disqualify American imports, or just about anything else that emanates from Trump`s sphincter-shaped mouth, you have the IQ of a bowling ball.

If you drop a bowling ball from 20 feet up in the air on the hood of any car, be it a Mercedes-Benz or a Ford Focus, the hood will cave in.

Modern cars are intentionally made to crush under even a moderate impact, the more a car crushes the more it absorbs the energy. Better the automobile absorb the impact than a bowling ball or a human head.

I wish a patriot would end this charade and drop a bowling ball on Trump`s head from 200 feet in the air. Please no calls from the Secret Service, like Trump I have a penchant for joking around.

Read More:

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2018/mar/15/donald-trump/trump-botches-japanese-bowling-ball-test/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Had Porn Star Stormy Daniels Spank Him With a Forbes Magazine

Donald Trump is such an omnipresent fixture on media that his hideous face with his sphincter-like mouth has been indelibly etched on my mind.

When the Grim Reaper finally drags the decrepit reprobate to hell, and he`s no longer a regular feature on the evening news, I will still need deprogramming to cleanse him from my consciousness.

Normal folks have a visceral reaction when they see Trump on TV, namely we throw the remote at the screen, and then search Google for painless ways to commit suicide.

Now a new particularly disquieting detail has emerged about the president`s affair with porn star Stormy Daniels that may cause even diehard Trump supporters to retch. These cultists could care less that Trump paid her off to keep quiet, but they may be troubled that he ordered the porn starlet to spank him with a copy of Forbes that featured Trump, Donald Jr., and Ivanka on the cover.

To have a porn star spank you may be every guy`s fantasy, but to have the hoe spank you with a magazine that features your family on the cover is wrong, horribly wrong.

I like to believe that I`ve done some good with the thousands of essays I`ve published online since 2008, but all that may be negated by leaving my readers with an image that they will never be able to erase: Our obese president butt naked being spanked by a porn star.

My readers may never forgive me, but God forgive me!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Must be Removed From Office by Any Means Necessary

In the future we will have to explain to our grandchildren just how exhausted and debilitated we were after surviving the interminable first year of Donald Trump`s presidency.

In his inaugural address Trump lamented “American carnage,” his words had a prophetic quality because he has bulldozed and trampled over our democratic institutions of the free press, independent judiciary and bipartisanship leadership. Any sober-minded patriot who considers the state of the Union will see carnage everywhere. Trump didn`t end American carnage as he promised in his inaugural speech, he exhilarated the decline of all of our democratic institutions.

After a year of living under the Trump regime I am simply exhausted, Trump is like a category five hurricane that never runs of of steam because it`s powered by Satan`s infernal farts. It is impossible to ignore Trump without becoming a recluse and unplugging the TV and radio, and going offline. The only solution is to remove Trump from office BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Trump will never pivot, he will never become presidential, and he will never reach rock bottom. His mind is a bottomless shithole of racism, vulgarity and paranoia. As a political writer for a local newspaper and a blogger I am perhaps more exhausted than most of my fellow Americans, because it`s my job to chronicle Trump`s racism and sheer insanity.

But we must not grow weary in well-doing, we must continue our fight against our shithole president and his shithole Republican enablers until he`s removed from office, and I emphasize BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Shithole President Makes Shithole Racist Statement

During a meeting with a bipartisan group of senators at the White House discussing immigration in general, and DACA in particular, President Donald Trump referred to El Salvador, Haiti and the entire continent of Africa as “shithole countries.” Trump followed that pearl of wisdom by suggesting that he`d rather see immigrants from countries like Norway.

Republican Sens. Tom Cotton, David Perdue and Lindsey Graham, Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin and Republican Reps. Bob Goodlatte, Kevin McCarthy and Mario Diaz-Balart were at the meeting.

Oh to be a fly on the wall! How did these illustrious politicians react when Trump made those obscene and blatantly racist statements? I would have immediately called out the president for his inflammatory and bigoted remarks. Unless someone surreptitiously recorded the meeting we may never know, but we do know that not one of these statesmen has publicly repudiated Trump since the infamous meeting.

The silence has been deafening from the likes of Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell; are they banking on the notion that America has become inured to the fact that out shithole president is a racist?

We must never accept the fact that Trump is a racist, we most condemn him every time he makes a racist comment. Trump`s racist remarks lead to racist policies which leads to violence against people of color.

Politicians must follow the example of Rep. Mia Love, a Utah Republican whose parents came to America from Haiti who issued the following statement:

This behavior is unacceptable from the leader of our nation. The President must apologize to both the American people and the nations he so wantonly maligned.

My parents came from the shithole countries of Mexico and Venezuela, and they instilled in me a strong work ethic, a desire to educate myself, and a passion to speak out against racism. As a columnist for a local print publication, and as a blogger I will condemn Trump every time he utters a racist comment.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Time Cover Depicts Donald Trump’s Urine-Colored Hair on Fire

“Time magazine on its latest cover shows President Trump`s hair on fire to depict his first year in office.

The cover, which was designed by artist Edel Rodriguez, depicts the president screaming with his yellow hair on fire. The caption reads: “Year One.”

Rodriguez said the flames in Trump`s hair is a reference to author Michael Wolff`s new book, “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House.”

The Hill

Donald Trump is such a narcissist that he salivates whenever he makes the cover of a major magazine, especially Time Magazine. Trump often brags about how many times he`s appeared on the cover of Time, and until recently he even had a fake cover of Time depicting him displayed in several of his resorts.

But I don`t think the dotard will be displaying the latest cover of Time featuring him in the Oval Office. It depicts the president screaming with his urine-colored hair on fire. The image doesn`t show him below his belt, but if it did his pants would be on fire, since he`s the greatest liar ever to reside in the White House.

I find it especially delicious that the artist is a Cuban American; I can imagine Trump tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep because a Latino has so thoroughly captured his essence.

The talented artist in 2016 depicted then-candidate Trump in “Meltdown” and “Total Meltdown” on Time covers. I eagerly anticipate one final Edel Rodgriquez Trump Time cover: The caption will be “Impeached” and the image will ashes floating in the breeze.

Pic of Time Cover:

http://thehill.com/homenews/media/368468-time-magazine-cover-depicts-trumps-hair-on-fire-to-sum-up-his-first-year

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes