Donald Trump’s Oval Office Address: A Nation Vomits! Video!

Wanker

On Tuesday night Donald Trump delivered his first Oval Office address, the prime time speech was dedicated to his obsession of building a tower in Moscow, my bad, I mean building a wall on our southern border.

His words are of no consequence, the only things that ever emanate from his sphincter-shaped mouth are little white lies, huge ugly lies and ridiculous lies. I might as well try to parse the meanings of his farts after he gets an upset stomach from eating too many tacos and milkshakes.

Trump didn`t deviate from the script on the teleprompter, therefore he didn`t make any headlines for uttering idiotic statements as he is wont to do when he speaks extemporaneously.

There was only one stationary camera, and I had no choice but to focus on Trump`s face, and what a revolting countenance it is: the urine-colored cotton candy hair, the aforementioned sphincter-shaped mouth, the orange complexion, his double chin, and the pasty white circles around his eyes. The horror, the horror!

Although the words Trump spoke don`t matter, the way he spoke does warrant attention. Trump sometimes took no pauses between phrases, as if he wanted to get through with the damn thing as quickly as possible. Let`s just say that he`s not a master of phrasing like the late great Frank Sinatra.

Then there`s that annoying sniffling that always makes an appearance when the great bloviator makes an important speech. They say Trump doesn`t drink or do drugs, but I wouldn`t be surprised if he likes coke the drug as much as he likes Coke the soda.

If you didn`t watch the speech last night, and you have a masochistic streak, here`s a link:

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

The Chuck and Nancy Oval Office Emasculation of Donald Trump Rendered Mike Pence Mute

After Kanye West`s surreal Oval Office meeting with Donald Trump, ostensibly to talk about prison reform, went off the rails with the rapper dropping F-bombs like confetti, I thought surely there will never be a more surreal meeting in that lofty office where so much history has been made.

Suffice to say I was wrong, boy was I wrong.

Trump invited cameras to his Oval Office meeting with Chuck and Nancy, the narcissist thought the photo-op of him berating the Democratic Congressional leaders over their refusal to allocate funds for his wall would play well with his base.

Things didn`t go according to plan. It was like taking candy from a baby, Chuck and Nancy tricked Trump into owning his expected government shutdown.

After an animated Trump, wildly waving his tiny hands, said that Pelosi was “in a situation where it`s not easy for her to talk right now” because of the speakership race, Boss Lady Pelosi nipped that mansplaining in the bud, lecturing him:

Mr. President, please don`t characterize the strength that I bring to this meeting as the leader of the House Democrats, who just won a big victory.

There wasn`t a court jester present at the boisterous meeting, but there was a mute Elf on the Shelf. Mike Pence didn`t utter a word, maybe he thought that Jesus blessed him with the gift of invisibility, and nobody would even know he was there.

The only thing Trump accomplished is that for half a news cycle the Chuck and Nancy emasculation of the stable genius knocked the Mueller investigation as the lead story on the cable news outlets.