Make a Bucket List for Your Pooch

“Mister Molson`s cancer diagnosis wasn`t going to stop his family from enjoying their last months with him. With the tumor in the golden retriever`s nose growing larger, his owners have been taking him on daily bucket list adventures.

Tim Griffin, Molson`s owner, posted the list on a blog and asked readers for suggestions. Since his March diagnosis, Molson, 12, has gone to the beach, ridden in police cars and fire trucks, gotten married, become a service dog and more.”

USA Today

I imagine that Mister Molson`s bucket list wouldn`t include any of the items on the list his owner made for him. I don`t think the pooch dreams about flying a helicopter or riding in a sidecar. But these are all activities that the dog would participate in with his owner, a canine is happy doing anything with his owner.

My pooch, Mandy, doesn`t have a green thumb, but she enjoys hanging out with me when I`m puttering around in my garden.

What would a dog`s bucket list look like?

Chew my owner`s new universal remote control.

Take a dump on that grouchy neighbor`s lawn.

Impregnate that cute poodle.

Urinate on every fire hydrant in the neighborhood.

Lick my ass one last time.

Find a decomposing bone to gnaw.

Don`t wait until your beloved animal companion is dying, show him some love now. All a pooch wants is to be with his master, include your dog in all of your favorite activities.

Read More:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/humankind/2017/06/30/dying-dogs-bucket-list-adventure-make-you-feel-better-world/440286001/

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What Pet Should Donald Trump Get?

“Of all the stains besmirching the Trump presidency – the ethical lacunae, the spasmodic “policy” fits, the Golf Digest aesthetic – none looms so large as the absence of a White House pet. Breathes there a man with a soul so dead that he doesn`t want a loyal dog or faithful feline trotting beside him when he mounts that lonely staircase to the venerable Master Bedroom?

Apparently, yes.

It seems emblematic of President Trump`s blaring tone-deafness for the office that he doesn`t even feign interest in recruiting a furry, fowlish or finny friend. Pets reap vast, humanizing rewards for presidents, as almost every one of his predecessors has discovered.”

New York Times

Even Hitler had a pet, Blondi, a German Shepherd that was given to him as gift when it was a puppy. Hitler and his pooch were inseparable, Blondi stayed with her master to the bitter end, she was there with him when he finally died in his bunker.

I`m not comparing Trump to Hitler, the first rule of politics and political commentary is never compare anyone to Hitler. But Trump desperately needs a pet to soften his image.

What pet would be ideal for Trump?

Bird

Trump`s wispy hair would make an ideal nest for any bird.

Cat

Maybe not, we all know how Trump loves to grab pussy. Trump might grope a pussy cat to death.

Snake

Perfect choice! A snake is a universal symbol of evil, I can picture the evil bastard snuggling to sleep with a serpent.

Rat

Maybe not, it would be almost impossible to tell the rat apart from Trump`s aides.

Dog

It`s hard not to trust a person who loves dogs, if Trump can convince us that he loves his pooch, we might learn to tolerate him.

Read More:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/15/opinion/sunday/what-kind-of-pet-should-donald-trump-get.html?_r=0

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Dad Kills Son Over Who Would Walk the Dog

“A family argument over who would walk the dog turned deadly when a dad shot and killed his son during a wild shootout Sunday in Chicago, police said.

Both men, whose identities were not immediately released, were shot multiple times and the father was critically injured.”

New York Post

Just another shooting in the crime-riddled city of Chicago, at least the pooch wasn`t collateral damage. I am so sick and tired of Chicagoans and their thirst for violence; I can honestly say that I care more about the dogs than the human beings of the Windy City.

Anybody who regards walking his dog as a chore instead of a pleasure doesn`t deserve to own a canine. The only way this story could have a happier ending would be if both morons had died.

Walking my pooch, Mandy, is the highlight of my day; I love walking around my neighborhood, greeting my neighbors, and letting the little kids pet my adorable pet. The fact that Mandy loves walking around the block as much as I do is just icing on the cake.

Animal control should take the dog away from the critically-inured survivor, that sorry excuse for a human being doesn`t deserve to have his dog waiting for him when he`s released from prison.

Read More:

http://nypost.com/2017/04/10/father-kills-son-in-shootout-over-who-would-walk-the-dog/

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Talking to Your Pet is a Sign of Intelligence

“Have you ever named your car, talked to your pets or sang to your plants? Don`t worry, you`re not losing it. In fact, it`s a sign of intelligence.

Anthropomorphising – giving humanlike tendencies to inanimate objects and animals – is `a natural byproduct of the tendency that makes humans uniquely smart on this planet,` Nicholas Epley, behavioural science professor at the University of Chicago, told Quartz.”

Indy100.Com

I talk to my cats and my dog every day, and I always feel better after after chatting with them, a marked contrast to my social interactions with most people.

I don`t discuss climate change or foreign policy with my furry companions, but I shower my felines with compliments about their physical attractiveness, and I chastise my pooch for digging holes in my backyard.

When my non animal-friendly friends catch me talking to my pets, they give me a look that says: Doesn`t this idiot realize that his animals don`t understand a word he`s saying.

Now I can clap back at these haters with the words of behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley: Taking to animals is a sign of intelligence.

I talk to my pets every day, therefore I must be a freaking genius.

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Stray Dog Adopted as Newest Friar by Bolivian Monastery

 

“A Franciscan monastery in Bolivia adopted a stray dog and allowed it to join its ranks as the newest friar.

Proyecto Narices Frias (Cold Nose Project) shared photos of the dog, who was given the title Friar Bigoton or Friar Moustache, dressed in traditional robes alongside his fellow friars at the monastery in Cochabamba.

The group hopes Friar Bigoton`s story will encourage other people to adopt stray dogs.

UPI

What a wonderful example this Franciscan monastery in providing for all churches, a house of worship should minister to all members of their community, including stray pets.

The Franciscan order takes its name after St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, this monastery is living up to the legacy of its founder.

Every church, Catholic and Protestant, should adopt a stray dog or cat as its official mascot. There is no better way for a church to welcome a stranger than having a pooch greet them at the vestibule.

I`d rather receive a sloppy wet kiss from a canine, than have a priest sprinkle me with holy water.

I`d feel comfortable at any church where a humble pooch is accepted as part of its faith community.

Pics of pooch:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/03/08/Stray-dog-adopted-as-newest-friar-by-Bolivian-monastery/6651488995735/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=3

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Brewery Offers ‘Paw-ternity’ Leave for Employees with Puppies

 

“A Scottish brewery has instituted a new policy offering `puppy parental leave` for employees raising young dogs.

BrewDog brewery announced the paw-ternity policy that provides all employees with one week off when they bring home a new puppy.

`BrewDog was started by two men and one dog in 2007,` the brewery said in its announcement video. “And we now employ 1,000 people around the world.”

UPI

I commend BrewDog brewery for their dog-friendly workplace, and for their paw-ternity policy that provides all employees with one week off when they bring home a new puppy.

The brewery`s headquarters has 50 office dogs, what an awesome work environment; I can think of at least five co-workers that I wish I could replace with a puppy.

When I adopted a puppy, Mandy, from the Humane Society I took two weeks off from work. That gave my plenty of time to bond with Mandy and housetrain her. It would have been cruel to adopt a puppy, and then go to work, leaving her alone in a new and strange environment.

A paw-ternity policy is a good start, but an employer should also offer its employees pet bereavement leave. When Mandy dies and goes to the Big Dog Park in the Sky, I know I will be too devastated to go to work.

Pet lovers everywhere should support BrewDog Brewery by buying their beers.

Read More:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/02/17/Scottish-brewery-offers-paw-ternity-leave-for-employees-with-puppies/1981487353768/

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Dude Orders Flowers For His Pooch, Wife Not Upset

 

“With Valentine`s Day around the corner, many people are plotting displays of affection for their significant others. But is there any bond that can top the one we have with our pets?

Lily Cardone`s dad, for one, is celebrating the superlative connection he`s got with his dog Sebastian. When flowers arrived at their Florida house, his wife expected them to be for her, but she was sorely mistaken.

Instead, they were a get-well gift for Sebastian, who was recovering from ACL surgery. `Sebastian, Feel better, you`ll be back in the game very soon. Love, Daddy,` it read.”

Refinery 29

I love my pooch, Mandy, but if she was recovering from surgery I wouldn`t send her flowers, for one thing she doesn`t care for flowers judging by the way she tears up the flower bed in my backyard. For another I wouldn`t want my friends and family questioning my sanity.

When the flowers arrived the wife thought they were for her, but she wasn`t upset when she discovered they were for the canine, in fact she posted pics of the flowers and the family pooch on Facebook.

But if this dude ever forgets to send his wife flowers for her birthday or wedding anniversary, I`m sure he will be in the doghouse. I can imagine his wife`s reaction: You sent a flower arrangement to the dog when he was recovering from surgery, but you forgot to send me flowers for our anniversary? Get the hell out of my house, you can sleep in the doghouse the next couple of nights.

Valentine`s day is right around the corner, hmm what should I get Mandy?

http://www.refinery29.com/2017/02/139428/man-orders-dog-flowers

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New Study: Dogs Love Reggae

“The Scottish SPCA and the University of Glasgow have published a paper which suggests music affects dogs` behaviour.

Researchers played a variety of music to dogs at a rehoming centre in Dumbarton and assessed physiological and behavioural changes.

Prof Neil Evans said the most positive behaviour changes were seen when the dogs were played reggae and soft rock.

All though these genres stood out, he said the study suggested each dog had its own music tastes.

The study suggested that dogs spent significantly more time lying and significantly less time standing when music was played, regardless of genre.”

BBC

I always have music playing whether I`m at work, on the road or at home, sometimes I even let music lull me to sleep. My pooch, Mandy, seems to approve of my musical tastes, she`s never barked in disapproval even when I indulge in a guilty pleasure like Abba. Although I suspect she may draw the line at soft rock, fortunately that genre is anathema in my home.

I have a library of hundreds of CD`s, my dog is used to an eclectic mix of music, but Bob Marley`s Greatest Hits is one of my favorite albums, and I play it at least once a week.

Catching some rays in my backyard while Bob Marley blares from my stereo with Mandy chilling by my side, that`s as close to heaven as I`ll get this side of eternity. Surrounded by empty bags of Doritos, the music transports us to a higher plane.

With a decent sound system, a loyal reggae loving pooch, and a stash you can survive a Zombie Apocalypse or the Trump administration.

Read More:

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-38757761

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Federal Court Ruling: Cop Can Shoot a Dog if it Barks or Moves When He Enters a Home

“A police officer can shoot a dog if it barks or moves when the officer enters a home, under a new federal court ruling issued this month.
The ruling comes after police in Battle Creek, Michigan, shot two pit bulls while searching a home for evidence of drugs in 2013.”
WGNTV.Com

My dog Mandy is a German Shepherd/Pit Bull mix, she may be physically imposing but whenever I take her for a walk she`s mobbed by the neighborhood children. Mandy has a sweet disposition and she never barks or yelps when the kids pet her, but she does bark when she`s in my backyard and a stranger walks up to my front porch.

Newsflash: Dogs bark, especially when a stranger invades their territory.

Newsflash: Dogs aren`t going to sit still when a stranger is inside their home.

Dogs can sense when their owners are nervous, and they are very protective, of course they are going to bark and move towards a police officer when he enters their home.

A police officer shouldn`t be a Nervous Nellie, he shouldn`t automatically shoot a dog just because he barks and approaches him.

Mandy is a member of my family, and if a police officer shot her just because she barked, I would be devastated.

The judge who ruled in favor of the police officers in this particular case is a moron, and his ruling shouldn`t be interpreted as a blanket ruling for cops across the country.

Read More:
http://wgntv.com/2016/12/28/federal-court-rules-police-can-shoot-a-dog-if-it-moves-or-barks-when-officers-enter-a-home/

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Pooch Loves Santa

santa

“A pair of Florida siblings captured their 1-year-old dog`s joy at meeting the real-life version of her favorite chew toy: Santa Claus.

John Mantaldo, 16, and sister Angelina Mantaldo, 19, said their 1-year-old Shiba Inuna dog, Kya, has been infatuated with her Santa Claus chew toy ever since they got it for her when she first came home last Christmas.


The siblings brought Kya to their local mall in Orlando to meet Santa in person.”

UPI
A pooch loves to chew on her Santa Claus chew toy, so her owners take her to the mall to meet Santa in person. This makes as much sense as a dog owner tracking down where his mailman lives, so he can take his mailman hating-pet to meet him in person.

This had all the potential of being a bloodbath at the mall, but instead of chewing the bloody hell out of Santa, Kya had a huge smile on her face when she met the Jolly Old Bastard.

All the kids waiting in line to see Santa got a double treat, they got to sit on Santa`s lap and pet the adorable pooch.

I wish all my readers a Happy Holiday Season!

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia