Public Restrooms In China Ration Toilet Paper! Commie Hellhole!

“Officials in a Chinese city are saving money on toilet paper in public restrooms by employing facial recognition technology in the stalls.

The machine uses facial recognition software to identify the user and vends exactly 27.5 inches of toilet paper, the maximum allowed by the machine.


Officials said a user must wait 9 minutes before the machine will allow them to get another length of paper. They said the system has cut the amount of toilet paper used in restrooms by half.”


UPI


China is a hellhole where you will find cats and dogs on the dinner plate, lead in every product, MSG in every entrée, and suffocating fog in every major city.

To make matters worse a Chinese city has installed facial recognition technology in public restrooms that identifies the user and vends exactly 27.5 inches of toilet paper. If you need more toilet paper you have to wait nine minutes before the machine will dispense more.


There is no way in hell that 27.5 inches will do the trick for me, and there`s no way in hell that I would wait nine minutes for more toilet paper. In a New York minute I would bust that newfangled machine wide open, and wipe my butt to my heart`s content.

I could care less if the facial recognition software captured my act of vandalism, let those commie bastards know that Americans aren`t going to put up with that kind of bullshi*!


In America we wipe our rear ends until they are sparkling clean, even if it means we use the entire roll of paper.

Read More:


http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/07/11/Public-restrooms-using-facial-recognition-to-ration-toilet-paper/2261499798025/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=3

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Firefighters Rescue Woman With Leg Stuck in Toilet

“Firefighters in China rescued a woman who was trapped in a bathroom when her leg became stuck in a toilet for six hours.

Firefighters said the woman was freed after about six hours of rescue attempts.”

UPI

This story begs the question: Why did the lady stick her leg in a toilet? Was she trying to unclog her toilet? That`s disgusting, ever hear of a plunger, lady?


If you were stuck in the same predicament what would you do? I would never, under any circumstances, stick my leg in a toilet. But if an evil fairy hypnotized me and ordered me to do the unthinkable, I would be too embarrassed to call 911.

I`d rather stay stuck in the toilet for days until I lost so much weight that I would finally be able to free my leg.

One more question, why the hell did it take the clueless firefighters six hours to free the hapless lady? If I lived in China and my cat was stuck in a tree, I`d never call the emergency number. It would take too long for the fools to figure out how to save my kitty, and they might just eat if they were able to reach it. I would just climb the dam tree myself.

Link to video:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/06/09/Firefighters-rescue-woman-with-leg-stuck-in-toilet-drain/8401497036730/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=3

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Chinese Driver Uses Umbrella While Driving Convertible in Rain! Write Your Own Joke!

“A Chinese driver who apparently didn`t want to put his convertible top up in the rain was filmed driving down the highway with an umbrella.

The video, filmed earlier this month, shows a man driving a red Mercedes-Benz convertible during a rain storm in Guangyuan, Sichuan Province.”

UPI

If you look up the word “clueless” in the dictionary, you will see a photograph of this Chinese dude driving a convertible top up in the rain down the highway with an umbrella.

When I`m speeding down the freeway the last thing I want to see is an Asian driver holding an umbrella, I`d rather encounter a woman texting and applying makeup at the same time.

Asians are notoriously bad drivers, they shouldn`t be given a driver`s license unless they swear to always have both hands on the steering wheel in the 10 and 2 position.

This story confirms my belief that life is absurd, if life was fair this clueless clown would be driving a Ford Pinto and not a beautiful machine like a Mercedes-Benz convertible.

Link to video:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/05/25/Man-holds-umbrella-while-driving-convertible-in-the-rain/3081495741280/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=3

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Epic Encounter Between Red Panda and Rock Rocks the Internet: Video

The Giant Panda, native to China, has large distinctive black patches around its eyes, over the ears, and across its roly-poly body. The Giant Panda is arguably the most adorable creature on the face of the Earth, and it`s China`s goodwill ambassador to the world.

The Red Panda, also native to China, has reddish-brown fur, a shaggy tail, and a lean body. It`s a handsome animal, but it`s nowhere near as adorable as its black and white cousin.

This red panda`s antics are so adorable that this video is racking up more views than those featuring Giant Pandas. This video depicts the adorable animal emerging from a hole in its enclosure before abruptly stopping in front of a big rock, and adopting a defensive posture with its little paws raised in the air. After a few moments of nervous histrionics the seemingly defeated animal turned around and walked back into its hole when its shaggy tail tucked between his hind legs.

This epic encounter between the panda and the rock is a prime example why we love the Internet.

Donald Trump Still Tweeting About Hillary Clinton! Get Over It! You Won!

“President Donald Trump will meet this week meet with Egypt`s President Abel Fattah el-Sisi, Jordan`s King Abdullah, and China`s President Xi Jinping. This morning, Trump did not kick off the week with tweets about any of these meetings. Nor did Trump tweet about this week`s confirmation hearing for his Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch.”

Deadline.Com

The Leader of the Free World has three critical meetings with foreign leaders this week. Trump is scheduled to meet with our two most reliable Arab allies in the Middle East, we need the assistance of the Egyptian president and the Jordanian king in dealing with the intractable issues of the Palestinian/Israeli conflict and ISIS.

China is the only country in the world that has leverage over North Korea, it`s imperative that our commander-in-chief cultivate a relationship with China`s President Xi Jinping.

If the world plunges into a Nuclear Armageddon, the conflagration is going to start in the Middle East or the Korean peninsula, this week Trump should focus on these two international hot spots.

Instead of posting statements about his forthcoming meetings with these world leaders, Trump posted this tweet about Hillary Clinton:

Did Hillary Clinton ever apologize for receiving the answers to the debate? Just asking!

Nobody else is asking. You won the election, it`s high time to move on and start acting like a president.

Hillary is the worst presidential candidate in history and Trump is the worst president in history. The only way that Trump can even dream of achieving mediocrity president is by forgetting Hillary, and focusing on the job at hand.

Read More:

http://deadline.com/2017/04/donald-trump-tweet-hillary-clinton-1202059096/

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New Fad In China: Fake Donald Trump Tweets

“In China, Twitter is blocked but fake tweets by @realdonaldtrump look set to become the latest internet sensation.

Online users are flocking to a new Chinese website that lets them generate images of fake tweets that look just like those sent by President Donald Trump`s distinctive personal Twitter account – replete with his avatar and a real-time timestamp.

Jike, the Shanghai-based startup running the website, says that in just four days, users have created more than a million fake @realdonaldtrump tweets in Chinese and English.”

New York Post

China is the source of 86% of the world`s counterfeit goods, according to the US Chamber of Commerce. Chinese authorities have absolutely no respect for intellectual property — now Donald Trump`s Twitter feed is being counterfeited. (Although I`m not sure that Trump`s Twitter account qualifies as intellectual property.)

Fake Trump tweets are more popular than fake iPhones and real dog meat dishes in China, it`s a fad that will most likely last as long as the Trump administration.

Trump`s real tweets are so outlandish — how do you parody Twitter messages that qualify as parody? I have a feeling that fake Trump tweets will be published in official Chinese publications, and nobody will be the wiser.

What an Orwellian nightmare we live in: Fake news, alternative facts, fake tweets!

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Chinese Truck Driver Covers His Vehicle With His Own Poetry

“A Chinese truck driver classed out his work vehicle by covering it in a high-brow form of decoration — poetry.

A video filmed earlier this month in Chengdu, Sichuan Province, shows the unique way a driver named He Xianwei decorated his work truck.
The driver said the words written all over his truck are 30 poems that he composed while driving.

He said he frequently writes and recites poems and song lyrics while driving, so he decided to publicize his work in the hopes of drawing attention to his writings.”

UPI

Great poetry is as rare as a pearl in a cesspool, and the greatest poets find it almost impossible to publish their poetry — there is simply no market for poetry.

But everybody and his autistic mother imagines himself to be a great poet, and there are a gazillion and one self-published poetry books available on Amazon.

The Internet is infested with bad poetry, in fact there is almost as much bad poetry as their is disturbing porn online.

I`m cognizant that it`s almost impossible to browse the Internet for more than an hour without stumbling onto somebody`s poetry Web site, but I always imagined the highways to be a poetry-free zone.

But in China there`s a trucker/poet who has covered his truck with his own poetry. I give all Chinese drivers a wide berth, but I would move to Canada if a Chinese/American in my hometown decided to cover his truck with poetry.

Why is every poet on a mission from God to share his poetry with the world? If you imagine yourself to be a poet, do humankind a favor and instead of posting your poetry online or covering your vehicle with your poetry, self-publish your poetry and sell it online, that way the only ones exposed to your atrocious rhymes will be you and your autistic mother.

Pic of wanker`s truck covered in poems

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2016/12/21/Chinese-truck-driver-covers-work-vehicle-in-his-poetry/6171482350690/?spt=sec&or=on

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes