Twerk the Twerking Kitten an Internet Sensation

“A kitten that has become an internet sensation thanks to her hot dance moves has been adopted.

Twerk, who is about 4 months old, suffers from cerebellar hypoplasia (CH), a brain disorder that causes her body to shake, making it look like she`s doing the dance popularized by pop stars like Miley Cyrus.”

 

Yahoo

Twerk is a beautiful kitten and her twerking dance moves are adorable. I hope this special needs kitty will be spoiled rotten by her new owners.

Twerk doesn`t twerk because she has a skanky nature, her dance moves can be attributed to a brain disorder that causes her rear end to shake uncontrollably.

Celebrities like Miley Cyrus don`t twerk due to a brain disorder, they are afflicted with a disease of the soul that compels them to dance like shameless whores on crack.

When I see Twerk twerk I feel like hugging her and giving her a big kiss, when I see Cyrus twerk I feel giving her a swift kick in the ass.

Link to video:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/apos-twerk-apos-kitten-does-193200353.html

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George the Skateboarding Cat is a Fraud

“There are cool cats, and then there’s a level above that, topped by this skateboarding kitten.

Twitter user @ericaclaire shared some photos of her adorable kitten on Saturday, proving to the world that some cats are just born hip.”

 

Yahoo.com

Multitudes of cats have gained Internet fame due to their adorable physical deformities (Grumpy the Cat, Lil` Bub), or because of their peculiar feline antics.

I`ll be the first to admit that the skateboarding kitten, otherwise known as George, is cute as a button, but he`s a poseur and a fraud and underserving of Internet stardom.

There have been many dogs who have achieved viral fame because of their mad skateboarding skills, (Otto and Jumpy), these talented pooches actually skateboard by using their paws to propel the skateboard forward.

But George has simply been placed on top of a skateboard by his owner, he knows as much about skateboarding as he knows about quantum mechanics.

Shame on Erica, the owner of George, she`s one of the great con artists of the digital era.

I have too much integrity to plop one of my cats in front of my computer and claim that he`s the one who`s blogging under the name of Robert Paul Reyes.

George is a fraud, but like I said, he`s a cutie, here’s a link to his pics:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/skateboarding-kitten-coolest-cat-block-131000894.html

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Cat Manicures? Give Me a Break!

“There are times we take matching fashion trends a tad bit too far, and this is probably one such instance. After Mother-daughter matching dresses, not to forget the age-old tradition of siblings – especially twins – being dressed alike, we now have fashion conscious pet owners getting their cat`s paws manicured and painted to match their own!

No kidding!

Though there is very basic problem with this trend, which is that nail polish should not be used on the claws of your pets because of the polish`s toxicity. However, there is a way out and doting pet owners have embraced with with perfectly manicured hands – nail caps. People have found out these nail caps to attach to their cat`s claws and then get matching nailpaint.”

Indian Express

I love cats, and I don`t spare any expense lavishing my kitties with toys and treats, and I can understand a cat lover obsessing over his or her beloved pets.

But I draw the line at a cat lady painting her feline`s claws to match her nails. A cat with manicured claws doesn`t look cute or attractive, it looks repulsive and freakish.

I would never let a woman style my hair to match hers, and I would never let her paint my cat`s claws to match her nails. I would kick that psycho bitc* to the curb, and never let her come anywhere near my babies again.

This is a deplorable trend that makes both cat lovers and cats look ridiculous.

Read More:

http://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/fashion/matching-cat-manicures-4742758/

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Book Featuring Pics of Cats and Boobs Ultimate Therapeutic Experience

“If there`s one thing you see more of on the internet than boobs, it`s cats.

So innovative Japanese photographer Yuki Aoyama has done what now seems so obvious: combined the two.

 

His collection, released in a book titled `Painyan` (a pun in Japanese on the words for `breast` and `meow`), contains 96 pages of beautiful women with cute kitties. The contented cats can be seen pawing at cleavages, settling inside blouses and even resting between two sets of breasts.”

Daily Mail

A book that combines two of the Internet`s hottest trends (cats and boobs) is destined to be a bestseller. Cool cats and Hot chicks = sizzling sales.

This book is family-friendly, only the cats are naked, all of the women are wearing G-rated cleavage-baring tops. Your two-year-old toddler will enjoy this book as much as your 22-year-old husband.

Reading this book is more therapeutic than drinking milk and eating oatmeal cookies while getting a foot rub by a geisha. Even the photo of the kitty resting between two sets of breasts didn`t induce any threesome fantasies, my only thought was “that kitten sure looks comfortable.” I`m not gay, not that there`s anything wrong with being gay, really!

I love cats, books and beautiful women, this book would make the perfect gift for me. Hint!

Pics of the adorable cats and beautiful women:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4583588/Japanese-photographer-releases-book-breasts-cats.html#ixzz4k0hBZSWv

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Maintenance Guy Plays With Homeowner’s Cat: Video

“I broke the pull string light switch in my laundry room.

cat My apartment maintenance guy came to fix it and had a great time playing with my cat on his way out.”

YouTube video description

When I lived in an apartment, I always hated it when the landlord scheduled the maintenance guy to make repairs while I was at work. I always wondered, will the dude go through my personal stuff, watch porn on my computer or tease my cats?

Nobody had surveillance cameras in their homes in those days, so God only knows what the dude did in my apartment. Now I have a home security system that includes surveillance cameras, but I still wouldn`t allow a contractor to work in my house when I`m not home.

It restores my faith in human nature that this maintenance guy fixed the problem and played with the cat.

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Why Do Cats Knead?

“Not all cats knead, and they don`t all knead in the same way. Most cats only use their front paws, but some use all four; some kitties bring their claws out, and others don`t. A cat kneading at your lap might hurt, but your kitty doesn`t have any bad intentions.

Even when they`re too young for their eyes to open, kittens need to knead, says Katy Nelson, DVM, Virginia-based veterinarian and Freshpet ambassador. Nursing kitties push around when suckling to get their mother`s glands to release more milk, she says. No one is totally sure why the habit lasts through adulthood, but there are a few theories.”

Reader`s Digest

I have two cats, and they both knead on the carpet, rugs, sofas, and on my belly and chest when I`m sleeping on the sofa.

Ebony weighs about 10 pounds, and she kneads my chest and belly with her claws out. She purrs with contentment as she`s poking me with her sharp claws; I usually let her knead for a while before I gently dump her on the floor.

Tico tips the scales at over 25 pounds, and he kneads me his claws retracted, and he also purrs peacefully as he`s suffocating me. I gently dump Tico on the floor after only a few moments, because my life takes precedence over his pleasure.

According to the Reader`s Digest article kittens knead their mother`s glands to release more milk, and most cats continue to knead throughout their lives.

When my kitties knead me I don`t see it as a sign of affection, they`re simply trying to make their bed (me) comfortable for them to sleep on, it`s no different than when we fluff our pillows.

I would find my cats penchant for kneading a more endearing quirk if Ebony`s claws weren`t so sharp (it`s a nightmare trimming her nails), and if Tico didn`t weigh so much.

I`m just glad dogs don`t have a predilection for kneading, if my 70-pound Pit Bull mix jumped on me and kneaded me it wouldn`t be such a pleasant experience.

Read More:

http://www.rd.com/advice/pets/why-do-cats-knead/

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Donald Trump Should Attempt Pussy Diplomacy With Putin

“Although Russia and the West have differences, one thing that unites the two is a feline obsession. The achievement by a cat has been posted by the social media accounts of the Russian ministry of defense, www.telegraph.co.uk reported.

A ginger cat was reportedly the first to travel on a long range voyage of Russian naval vessels to the Syrian coast. This cat has a more perilous job than the moggies the British have in Westminster, who chiefly meet foreign ambassadors and catch mice, report added.

Cats have had a place on board Russian ships for many years, and now appear to serve the purpose of making their military operations look more cute and cuddly. An article in Russian media had claimed that cats on ships serve an important purpose – their purring helps soothe humans onboard.”

Deccan Chronicle

The cats serve multiple purposes: They kill rats, soothe the nerves of the sailors operating in a war zone, and humanize the Russian sailors.

If a Russian spy ship was spotted of the east coast of the United States, we wouldn`t be so alarmed if we knew that the crew included kittens. A warship where the sailors pet and play with cats wouldn`t be perceived as much of a threat.

I hope that the American aircraft carrier deployed in the Korean peninsula doesn`t have any kitties onboard, if the North Koreans see cats frolicking on the deck of our mighty vessel they won`t take us seriously, and might even attempt to sink it with a torpedo.

Instead of groping pussies, Trump should try pussy diplomacy, and send a fat and fluffy pussycat to Putin. The Russian president is confident in his own masculinity and wouldn`t perceive the gift cat as an insult and he would reciprocate by sending Trump a pussy cat or a bunch of pussies (whores). In any even relations between the two nuclear superpowers would be bound to improve.

Read More:

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/world/europe/020517/russian-cat-travels-to-syrian-coast.html

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Why Do Cats Love Boxes?

“Boxes and cats, what is the deal?

So what powers your kitty`s drive to sit in all things square and cardboard? There`s more scientific reason behind it than you might suspect.

According to The Washington Post, it all goes back to childhood. Kittens seek out the warmth and comfort of their mom`s snuggling embrace and the cuddles provided by their fellow litter mates. This is one of the reasons why swaddling calms a cat down. In these cases, the close contact releases endorphins, giving felines a natural sense of peace and pleasure.”

People Magazine

People Magazine usually chronicles the scandals and antics of brain-dead celebs, thank goodness they are finally covering a worthwhile subject: Cats!

I have owned cats for most of my adult life, when I adopted my first kitty I bought her beds and cat condos, but I quickly learned that she would eschew these expensive items in favor of a box, any box no matter how small.

My cat Tico tips the scale at 25 pounds, and whenever I buy a new pair of shoes he immediately claims the box as his new bed, even though he can barely fit his fat butt in the small box.

So what`s up with cats and their inordinate love of boxes? According to Temple Grandin, Professor of Animal Science, when cats are cozied up within the confines of a box it reminds them when they were kittens and shared close quarters with their mother and litter mates.

My cats never fight over food, but they will fight over a box, that`s why I always make sure to have a couple of boxes in my house. There are some adorable box dwellers waiting to b e adopted at your local animal shelter.

Read More:

http://people.com/pets/heres-why-your-cat-loves-sitting-in-boxes/

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Every Cat is a Therapy Cat

“A Cambridge University library has come up with a novel way for students to relieve exam stress – with the help of a friendly ginger cat.

Five-year-old Jasper has become a hit with students at the Marshall Library of Economics after he made an appearance at a recent event.

`Tea with Jasper` attracted more than 100 students to the surprise of librarian Clare Trowell, who had just 30 tickets.”

Cambridge News

The university librarian tried to make the austere library more welcoming by adding a lot of potted plants, and buying more plush sofas, but the library didn`t become a safe refuge from the madness of campus life until she brought in Jasper the cat as the library mascot.

When anybody visits my house, regardless if its` a friend, family, or contractor, he usually doesn`t loosen up until my fat and fluffy cat Tico makes an appearance.

A feline doesn`t need any training to become a therapy pet, every cat is a therapy animal. When I`m doing my taxes, or performing any other unpleasant task, I always have my cats around to soothe my rattled nerves. The soft purr of a kitty will chase away any demon.

Every library, indeed every public building, should have a cat mascot. Jasper helps the university students relieve stress, and a cat will help you deal with everyday trials and tribulations.

There are many cats available for adoption at your local animal shelter, and each and every one will make an adorable therapy pet for your home.

Read More:

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/cambridge-news/cambridge-university-library-economics-cat-12872770

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Talking to Your Pet is a Sign of Intelligence

“Have you ever named your car, talked to your pets or sang to your plants? Don`t worry, you`re not losing it. In fact, it`s a sign of intelligence.

Anthropomorphising – giving humanlike tendencies to inanimate objects and animals – is `a natural byproduct of the tendency that makes humans uniquely smart on this planet,` Nicholas Epley, behavioural science professor at the University of Chicago, told Quartz.”

Indy100.Com

I talk to my cats and my dog every day, and I always feel better after after chatting with them, a marked contrast to my social interactions with most people.

I don`t discuss climate change or foreign policy with my furry companions, but I shower my felines with compliments about their physical attractiveness, and I chastise my pooch for digging holes in my backyard.

When my non animal-friendly friends catch me talking to my pets, they give me a look that says: Doesn`t this idiot realize that his animals don`t understand a word he`s saying.

Now I can clap back at these haters with the words of behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley: Taking to animals is a sign of intelligence.

I talk to my pets every day, therefore I must be a freaking genius.

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