The Proper Way to Pick Up a Cat! Video!

I have two cats, Ebony an 18-year-old female cat, and Tico a huge male cat who tips the scales at 25 pounds. I shower my kitties with kisses and hugs, but I never, ever, pick them up.

Ebony is an affectionate furball who loves to cuddle with me when I`m watching TV, but if I try to pick her up she will transform into a beast who is all claws and teeth.

When Ebony was a kitten I picked her up all the time, but when she became a full-grown feline she let me know in no uncertain terms that those days were gone for good.

Tico is a big old affectionate pussy cat, and he won`t turn into a monster if I pick him up. But picking up a 25-pound cat puts too much stress on my back, and I`m not a spring chicken.

The last time I picked up Tico I remember dropping him when he was about three feet from the floor, and the impact was too much for him and he sat motionless for about a minute. I vowed, right then and there, never to pick him up again.

Here`s a video demonstrating the proper way to pick up a cat, for kitty lovers who don`t have psycho cats or cats that weigh as much as a baby hippo:

Pooch Raised by Chinese Family for Two Years Turns Out to be a Black Bear

“When Su Yun bought her family a puppy two years ago, she was surprised by how much the dog ate. “A box of fruits and two buckets of noodles every day,” she told Chinese media.

There was, it turns out, a reason for its prodigious appetite: the animal has grown into a 250lb bear.

The family realised their error when the pet did not stop growing and started showing a talent for walking on two legs.”

Independent

I`m not surprised that a Chinese family mistook a bear for a dog, after all the average Chinese sees a dog only when it`s packaged as dog meat in a grocery store or as the entrée in a restaurant.

It was only after two years when the animal ballooned to 250 pounds, and started walking on two legs did the clueless family say to themselves, “maybe this thing isn`t a pooch.”

If my dog developed a penchant for walking around on two legs, I would call an exorcist or animal control.

The bear has been taken to a wildlife rescue center after the family called the authorities requesting help.

I hope and pray the family is sentenced a year in a reeducation camp where they will learn the difference between a playful pup and a freaking bear.

Read More:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/pet-dog-black-bear-china-family-grow-kunming-yunnan-stand-endangered-species-a8350451.html

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Night Night Donald Trump, You Disgusting Halfwit

Since June 2, 2016 Dan Rebellato, a distinguished professor, has tweeted the following message to Donald Trump, every night, before going to bed:

Night night you disgusting halfwit. xx

You`d expect the renowned playwright and professor of contemporary theatre at Royal Holloway, University of London to publish an article in a literary magazine, replete with footnotes, condemning the short-fingered vulgarian, but when dealing with a disgusting ignoramus a snarky tweet will suffice.

The tweet is a minimalist masterpiece!

It should be noted that the good professor is wishing the septuagenarian buffoon “night night,” not “good night” or “good morning.” It is the nightly message that you deliver to a skinflint grandfather who`d just as soon piss on you as bless you financially. “Night night” is what you mumble to an old fart that you secretly hope will die in his sleep.

Rebellato calls our national disgrace a “disgusting halfwit” to differentiate him from the vast number of halfwits who aren`t disgusting. There are many good-natured halfwits who make us smile with their moronic antics, and silly halfwits who make us grateful that we weren`t last in line when God was passing out brains, and then there are disgusting halfwits who make us doubt the existence of a benevolent deity.

Rebellato`s nightly ritual is a soothing salve to countless of Americans suffering under the Trump regime. As an American I salute Rebellato! You sir are a scholar and a gentleman, and I admire your wit!

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Jim Carrey Taunts ‘Psycho’ Mike Pence

“Actor Jim Carrey shared his latest politically motivated piece of artwork on Friday, this time the Hollywood star`s portrait taking aim at Vice President Mike Pence.

The drawing appears to show Pence dressed in a robe, watching over a fly positioned on his right hand.

`I hope they are watching … They`ll see,` reads the text accompanying text. `They`ll see and they`ll know, and they`ll say, `Why Mike Pence wouldn`t even harm a fly … `”

Breitbart

The quote is from the Alfred Hitchcock classic “Psycho,” a not so subtle hint that our Vice President is a dangerous psycho.

Norman Bates victims were guests of the infamous Bates Motel, but Pence`s victims is the entire population of the United States, especially if he succeeds Trump.

Bates` relationship with his dead mother is the stuff that nightmares are made of, and Pence`s relationship with his wife whom he calls “Mother” is the stuff that gives normal Americans the heebie-jeebies.

Carrey`s artwork is in black and white with the exception of Pence`s piercing green eyes, the eyes of a zealot. Pence is a well-known evangelical zealot, on a mission from God to persecute gays and lesbians, and oppress the poor and disenfranchised.

But when it comes to Psycho Mike Pence politics trumps religion, and he is a political zealot who will debase and humiliate himself in an effort to please his Messiah, Donald Trump.

I hope and pray that Robert Mueller`s investigation will culminate with the impeachment of Trump and Pence. We must not make the mistake of breathing a sigh of relief if Trump is impeached or forced to resign, if Psycho Pence is still in the picture.

Pic of Carrey masterpiece:

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2018/05/11/jim-carrey-art-targets-psycho-mike-pence/

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Melania Trump Doesn’t Share a Bedroom With Donald Trump!

Donald and Melania Trump reportedly lead very separate lives within the White House – so much so that the couple do not share a bedroom within 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, according to a recent profile of the first lady in the Washington Post.

But just how unusual is it for first couples to have separate sleeping quarters? Presidential experts tell PEOPLE it`s an arrangement the country hasn`t seen in more than forty years.

First lady scholar Annette Dunlap, author of a biography on President Grover Cleveland`s wife, tells PEOPLE the White House hasn`t seen first couples occupy separate bedrooms since the days of Patricia and Richard Nixon in the early 1970s.”

People

It`s no surprise that Donald and Melania Trump lead separate lives within the White House, remember she didn`t move into 1900 Pennsylvania Ave. until June 2017.

Can anyone blame the First Lady for not sharing a bedroom with her husband? Ladies, imagine if you can, sleeping in the same bad with the Donald, and waking up to the pervert gabbing your goodies with his freakishly small hands? Or having the Twitter bully wake you up at an ungodly hour in the morning because he couldn`t help himself from firing off a tweet to complain about Comey?

If Donald wants to sleep with his spouse he probably needs to go through Melania`s scheduler, and judging by the way she swats away his repulsive tiny hands in public, I doubt they do the nasty more than once a year.

When Melania moved into the White House she tweeted:

Looking forward to the memories we`ll make in our new home!

I bet they won`t be fond memories! Memories of Trump sitting in the toilet browsing Penthouse to see which nude model he should pursue? Memories of Trump ranting and raving, because he will never be as popular as Obama?

Melania get real, the only way you will make fond memories is if you kick the Orange degenerate to the curb!

Read More:
http://people.com/politics/melania-donald-trump-separate-bedrooms-historical-perspective/

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If Your Cat Licks You It Means He Loves You

The average house cat spends about 50 percent of his time grooming himself.

If you own more than one kitty, you know that sometimes they will lick each other. It`s not a sign of dominance but of kinship, if your felines lick each other, I bet they almost never fight.

My furball, Tico, tips the scales at 25 pounds, and sometimes when I`m reclining in the sofa he will jump on top of me and lick my bald head until it shines like a bowling ball.

Even when Tico licks me right after he has groomed his nether regions, I don`t turn away in revulsion because I know it means that he loves me and considers me family.

Some of us have been licked by some very grimey girls, so don`t shove your pussy cat away when he licks you.

Outrage! April Ryan Says Melania Trump Isn’t ‘Culturally American’

“CNN contributor April Ryan was not impressed with Melania Trump`s Be Best campaign, saying that the first lady was not culturally American.

`This is a first lady who is not culturally American, but she is learning the ways,` Ryan told `OutFront` host Erin Burnett on Monday evening of the campaign.

The `Be Best` campaign, which was launched at the White House on Monday, will focus on children, specifically curbing opioid abuse and cyberbullying.

Melania Trump was born in Slovenia and became an American citizen in 2006.”

The Wrap

April Ryan serves as a White House correspondent and is the Washington, D.C., bureau chief for American Urban Radio Networks.

I have tremendous respect for Ryan, she speaks truth to power and she can always be counted on to challenge White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, especially when it comes to issues of race.

But I take issue with her statement that Melania Trump isn`t culturally American. The First Lady is a very private person, and the public, including journalists, know very little about her.

One of the few things we know about her is that she`s not fluent in English, but give the lady a break, she speaks five languages.

Is Ryan implying that people who speak broken English aren`t culturally American? The naturalized Hispanic citizen who mows our lawns, and the naturalized Chinese citizen who dry-cleans our clothes may not speak fluent English fluently but they are just as American as April Ryan.

April Ryan owes Melania Trump an apology, it`s not our proficiency in English but our citizenship that makes us Americans.

Read More:

https://www.thewrap.com/cnn-contributor-april-ryan-dings-melania-trump-as-not-culturally-american/

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Man Jailed for Beating Mom With a Lightsaber!

“A 42-year-old Pennsylvania man is facing an assault and harassment charges after allegedly beating his mother with a Star Wars light saber, according to court records.

Joan Vargas, 75, told police that her son Andrew had hit her repeatedly with what she called a light saber. Vargas said she was sitting on a dining room chair when her son began striking her with this saber in the head, on her back/neck area and on her wrist.

Andrew Vargas, who lives with his mother, was arrested on misdemeanor assault and harassment charges. He is being held in the Clearfield County jail in lieu of $10,000 bail. Vargas`s rap sheet includes prior convictions for theft, drunk driving, and criminal trespass.”

The Smoking Gun

The 6` 4,” 330-pound Vargas claims that his mother was conking herself over the head with the light saber, and he told the cops that she has many issues.

A 42-year-old man who still lives with his mother and has a collection of light sabers is the one with many issues.

Perhaps if Ms. Vargas had disciplined her son with a switch he wouldn`t have turned into such a cowardly loser.

He is being held in jail in lieu of $10,000 bail, I guess the sap can`t afford a thousand bucks to stay out of jail.

Vargas may be a bear of a man, but even if he was allowed to take his light saber collection with him to jail, he won`t be able to fend off jailbirds from beating him up or worse. Prisoners hate pedophiles and cowards who beat women, he`s going to have a tough time behind bars.

My thoughts and prayers are with Ms. Vargas, it`s a shame that at a time in her life when she should be enjoying her golden years, she`s being harassed by her yellow-bellied snake of a son.

Read More:

http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/light-saber-assault-653907

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Disgraced Televangelist Jim Bakker Selling Apocalypse-Proof Condos and $150 Water Bottles

“Jim Bakker slipped out of most people`s collective consciousness after he fell from grace following a sex scandal and his 1989 fraud conviction. But the disgraced televangelist is back, focusing on the apocalypse and urging people to buy both real estate and eye-poppingly expensive extreme survival warfare water bottles from him to prepare.

Bakker, who served five years in prison for 24 counts of wire and mail fraud and conspiracy, is selling cabins in Missouri`s Ozark mountains, telling followers the area (which he calls Morningside) will be `the safest place to live` when the Apocalypse hits. Prices for the cabins weren`t disclosed, but you can rent one for as little as $85 per night right now.”

Fortune

Most televangelists make a killing selling “pie in the sky,” “Accept Jesus, and give your tithes and offerings to our ministry and God will reward you with a mansion in paradise.” Millions of marks living in trailer parks and subsidized housing respond, and the televangelists live in mansions and fly in Lear Jets thanks to their deluded followers.

Other more savvy religious con artists make an even bigger killing selling nonexistent real estate to their followers. In the 1980`s Jim Bakker sold tens of thousands of “lifetime memberships” entitling buyers to an annual three-night stay at a luxury hotel at Heritage USA. Only one 500-room hotel was ever finished, these morons had a better chance of spending their vacation in their heavenly mansion, than they did at Bakker`s hotel.

In 1988 Bakker was convicted on eight counts of mail fraud, 15 counts of wire fraud and one count of conspiracy. His religious empire came crumbling down, his wife divorced him, and he spent a year in a federal penitentiary.

Bakker resurfaced in 2003, with a new wife and a new show with a viewership only a fraction of what it was during his heyday in the 1980`s. His new shtick is selling freeze-dried food, bottled water and cabins in Missouri`s Ozark mountains where believers can weather the End Times. Bakker is hawking 28 ounce `warfare` water bottles, which he claims filter out contaminants, the idiots who watch his show can buy a half-dozen for $150.

Bakker`s community in the Ozarks in called “Morningside” and its brightly painted indoor town square is dominated by a 15-tall Jesus statue. I don`t have to visit Bakker`s compound to know that the only Jesus you will find there is the hokey giant-ass Jesus.

Who knows what kind of financial shenanigans the disgraced evangelist is committing considering he owes million to the IRS according to Wikipedia. I`m betting that it won`t be long before he`s back in the Big House.

Read More:

http://fortune.com/2018/05/07/televangelist-jim-bakker-prepper-selling-real-estate-water-bottle-apocalypse/

John McCain May Be On His Deathbed But He Doesn’t Deserve Any Praise

“John McCain (R-Ariz.) said he regrets choosing former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) to be his running mate during the 2008 presidential campaign.

The New York Times reported on Saturday that McCain, while still defending Palin`s performance, said in his upcoming book `The Restless Wave: Good Times, Just Causes, Great Fights, and other Appreciations` that he wishes he had instead selected former Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-Conn.)”

The Hill

John McCain has terminal brain cancer, and it`s only a matter of months, if not weeks, before he dies.

I have no intentions of mourning his death or writing a flattering obituary/editorial.

McCain did much more harm than good during his long political career, and he doesn`t deserve praise on his passing.

The senior senator from Arizona dedicated most of his time in the Senate advocating for war, he delivered countless speeches in the Senate calling for war against almost every Muslim country. If you look up the word “warmonger” in the dictionary you will see McCain`s surly mug.

McCain was the epitome of the corrupt politician, need I remind anyone of the Keating scandal:

The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s. The five senators – Alan Cranston, Dennis DeConcini, John Glenn, John McCain, and Donald W. Riegle, Jr.- were accused of improperly intervening in 1987 on behalf of Charles H. Keating, Jr., Chairman of the Lincoln Savings and Loan Association, which was the target of a regulatory investigation by the Federal Home Loan Bank Board (FHLBB).

Wikipedia

But McCain`s greatest mistake was choosing Sarah Palin to be his running mate during the 2008 presidential campaign. That wasn`t a mavericky thing to do, it was a cynical and insane action.

Palin was totally unqualified to be one heartbeat away from being president. She`s an ignorant fool, from a dysfunctional family who thought that she was a foreign policy expert because she could see Russia from her porch. Palin paved the way for Donald Trump, it could be argued that he wouldn`t be president if it weren`t for Palin.

McCain is railing against Trump from his deathbed, but he should take a good look at himself in the mirror, he is responsible for the abomination being president.

It`s too late for McCain to take back all the evil he has unleashed, the least he can do is shut up and die quietly.

Read More:

http://thehill.com/homenews/news/386392-mccain-i-regret-picking-palin-as-my-vice-presidential-nominee

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