Crazy Woman Offers to Trade Car for Entire Stock of Necco Wafers!

“A Florida woman really loves Necco Wafers, the colorful candies made by a Massachusetts-based company that is currently at risk of shutting down.

The Boston Globe reports 23-year-old Katie Samuels reached out to candy wholesaler Candystore.com to offer her 2003 Honda Accord for all of their stock.

Samuels has childhood memories of playing “church” at her grandmother`s home and pretending to take Communion with the candies.

In March, Necco announced that 395 workers could be laid off if the company does not find a buyer. Candystore.com did not accept the offer in what they`re calling “The Great Necco Wafer Panic,” but Samuels managed to buy four dozen rolls of the wafers.”

NBC Washington

I have fond memories of candy bars like Look, Big Hunk and Rocky Road that I enjoyed as a child, but can`t find in supermarket shelves today.

But I still have nightmares about the time that I ate Necco Wafers as a child. I don`t remember if it was the neighbor who didn`t appreciate me playing in the sidewalk in front of his house or the crazy cat lady who gave me that godawful candy, but I still can`t get the taste out of my mind.

Necco Wafers are about the same size as communion wafers, and they come in different colors, but they taste like chalk or aspirin.

I might trade in my 2003 Ford Focus for a truckload of Big Hunk candy bars or even communion wafers, but you couldn`t pay me enough money to eat even one Necco Wafer.

If you are an eccentric like Katie Samuels who loves Necco Wafers, you don`t have to worry about the company going out of business, sales of the weird candy has skyrocketed since the Boston Globe reported their financial troubles.

Read More:
https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Florida-Woman-Offers-Car-for-Entire-Stock-of-Necco-Wafers-479385283.html

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Outrage: Alabama Football Team Prays for Donald Trump at White House!

“Members of the University of Alabama football team prayed with President Donald Trump on Tuesday afternoon as they made their ceremonial visit to the White House as winners of the 2017-2018 College Football Playoff National Championship.

During the Trump presidency, visits by championship sports teams to the White House have seemingly been marred by the fact that some high-profile athletes haven`t made the trip to the executive mansion to protest the president.

However, the Crimson Tide`s visit to the White House on Tuesday to celebrate their 26-23 Jan. 8 victory over the University of Georgia could likely be remembered for the fact that a handful of players huddled around the president to pray for him and the administration.

According to WBRC sports reporter Christina Chambers, the prayer was the idea of Alabama punter JK Scott. Chambers reports that when the punter went to shake Trump`s hand following his ceremony, he asked the president if he could pray with him.”

Christian Post

The tradition of teams visiting the White House to celebrate their championship should take a hiatus during the Trump administration. Most football teams, whether amateur or professional, are predominantly African American, and it makes no sense for them to visit the White House, and thereby giving their stamp of approval to the racist Trump administration.

Instead of visiting the White House to celebrate their 2017 NBA championship, the Golden State Warriors toured the National Museum of African-American History and Culture with local Washington students.

Championship teams should follow the example of the Golden State Warriors and turn down invitations to visit the White House. However I`m not surprised that the University of Alabama football team made their ceremonial visit to the White House as winners of the 2017-2018 College Football Playoff National Championship. After all the state of Alabama is a Mecca for rednecks; Alabamians love football, pedophile senatorial candidates, and of course Donald Trump.

Not only did the Alabama football team visit the White House, but they huddled around the president, laid hands on him, and prayed for the racist bastard.

It would have been OK if players prayed for Trump to repent and turn away from his wicked ways. But I`m sure these wankers prayed a generic Christian prayer asking God to bless Trump and give him wisdom. Such bullcrap!

I`m going to pray myself, that next year the Crimson Tide won`t win the national championship.

Read More:

https://www.christianpost.com/news/alabama-football-team-prays-for-donald-trump-white-house-national-championship-ceremony-222797/

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Diamond and Silk’s Coonery and Buffoonery Resonates With Trump’s Racist Base

Lynnette “Diamond” Hardaway and Rochelle “Silk” Richardson known as “Diamond and Silk” are two of President Donald Trump`s most ardent African American supporters.

They take “coonery and buffoonery” to an absurd level, and their videos resonate with Trump`s racist base for the same reason that minstrel shows were very popular in the South in the early 19th century.

I can imagine white Trump supporters watching a Diamond and Silk video, laughing at their antics, and wondering why all black people can`t be hoodwinked so easily.

It sickens me that two black women shucking and jiving in support of a blatantly racist president garner millions of views on YouTube.

But YouTube and Facebook shouldn`t take any measures to censor or demonetize their videos. Coonery and buffoonery isn`t hate speech, and Diamond and Silk videos are protected free speech.

Facebook recently classified the videos produced by Diamond and Silk as “unsafe to the community,” and that had the practical effect of making their content on Facebook more difficult to access.

Their videos are an affront to the black race, and indeed all of humanity, but as I have previously stated their content shouldn`t be censored or restricted.

In the Facebook community there is enough bandwidth for pages that celebrate cats, promote human rights, defend liberty, advocate on the behalf of gays, lesbians and other minorities, and yes there is even space for pages where Uncle Toms can indulge in their coonery.

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Dude Stabs Woman With Steak Knife Because He Didn’t Like Texture of His Steak

“According to state police, 41-year-old Shannon Lynch was having dinner with a woman in a Bullskin Township home around 11 p.m. when the two got into an argument.

Police say Lynch `took offense to the texture of his steak` and began to assault the woman. During the assault, Lynch allegedly picked up a steak knife and stabbed the woman in the arm.

Lynch then left the house, and police say his current whereabouts are unknown.”

CBS Pittsburgh

I don`t want to make light of domestic abuse, but if I wait until almost midnight for my steak dinner, that damn steak better be cooked perfectly.

That woman had one thing to do, and one thing only: To cook that slab of meat to her man`s ideal standards, and she failed miserably.

Naturally homeboy took offense to the texture of his steak, and stabbed the woman in the arm with the steak knife.

I guarantee that the next time this woman fixes a steak dinner for her man, it will be cooked to his exact specifications. I can also guarantee that there will be a next time, stupid women rarely kick their violent boyfriends to the curb.

Naturally Lynch left the house after stabbing his date, what would be the point in staying, stabbing your date is an automatic conversation killer.

Read More:

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2018/04/07/fayette-county-steak-woman-stabbed/

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College Student Uses CPR She Learned From ‘The Office’ to Save Squirrel

“Michigan college student said she used a CPR technique she learned from NBC`s The Office to save the life of a drowning squirrel.

Central Michigan University student Natalie Belisto posted a video to Twitter showing her rescuing the drowning squirrel and later keeping it warm with a hair dryer.”

UPI

College students are post-millennial slackers who find comradery and security in their safe spaces, bur are ill fit to thrive in society. They are adept at finding Wi-Fi hot spots, but are totally clueless at changing a tire or cooking a meal.

But Michigan University student, Natalie Belisto, isn`t a useless wanker like her contemporaries, she used CPR to save the life of a drowning squirrel. Being a child of the Internet age, this heroic woman posted a video to Twitter showing her dramatic rescue.

Belisto learned CPR from “The Office,” a sit-com that aired from March 24, 2005, to May 16, 2013. This mockumentary has become a cult favorite, and is perhaps the most streamed series in Netflix`s history.

Fans of “The Office” feel an intimate connection with the series because it breaks the fourth wall, and the characters stare at viewers and talk directly to them.

Pam/Jenna Fischer might as well have spoken to Belisto from the boob tube: Save that squirrel! Just remember that episode when the Dunder Mifflin employees learned that a good tip for CPR is to do chest compressions to the beat of the Bee Gees song “Staying Alive.”

May that hapless squirrel stay alive forever!

May heroic Natalie Belisto stay alive forever!

May “The Office” stay alive forever!

Link to video: https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/06/College-student-uses-CPR-to-save-drowning-squirrel/6911523035873/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=1

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Former Mexican President Vicente Fox is a Master at Trolling Donald Trump

Former Mexican President Vicente Fox is the undisputed master at trolling Donald Trump, he makes the likes of Rosie O`Donnell and Jimmy Kimmel look like rank amateurs in the art of getting under Trump`s orange skin.

On Good Friday (I realize Easter Week is over, but any Friday that Fox ridicules Trump is a Good Friday), he shared an image on Twitter of himself wearing a new Trump-trolling T-shirt. Click the link at the bottom of page.

The design depicts Trump as a baby who is building a wall from Lego bricks. There is a smoke symbol representing the stench emanating from his soiled diapers. Trump has a smug expression of his face, he`s oblivious that he stinks to high heaven. He`s just as oblivious that his wall is a fantasy that will never come to fruition.

The slogan on the shirt reads: Can`t Build a Wall if Your Hands are too Small! Not only are Trump`s hands too tiny to build a wall, but his brain is too small to conceptualize the herculean effort to build a $100 billion wall.

Fox has long ridiculed Trump`s promise to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border.

Viva Fox! You made my day, please continue to troll Trump, we hate him even more you hate the bastard.

Link to pic of anti-Trump shirt:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/vicente-fox-donald-trump-t-shirt_us_5ac86ca7e4b09d0a1194003b

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Is Melania Trump Mocked More Than Any Other First Lady?

Conservatives have their MAGA panties in a twist over Jimmy Kimmel poking fun at Melania Trump`s Slovenian accent as she was reading a children`s book to children at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll event.

“Never stop exploring, cause life would be boring. Be clever be curious just like a cat. Ask lots of questions about this and that,” Melania read.

“Like dis and dat, ” the late night comic said, impersonating an Easter European accent and then joking to his sidekick, Guillermo Rodriquez, that he could be First Lady.

Melania should read that children`s book to her husband at bedtime, maybe it will encourage him to read instead of wasting time watching “Fox and Friends:`

I actually think Melania rocked when she was reading to the little kids, it sounded like she was channeling Snoop Dogg on “Nothing but a G Thang”:

It`s like dis and like dat and like dis and a-
It`s like dat and like dis and like dat and a-
It`s like dis, and who gives a fuc* about those?
So just chill `til the next episode.

In their alternate reality conservatives claim that no First Lady has been demeaned and mocked more than Melania. Bitch, please!

Michelle Obama caught holy hell from evangelicals for daring to bare her arms, while they remain mute about Melania`s softcore porn lesbian photographs from her modeling days.

I don`t make fun of Melania`s accent, good God English is her fourth or fifth language. But I do fault her for not raising her voice, in any language, to protest her husband`s misogyny, racism and bullying nature.

It`s like dis and like dat,

chill out bitches,

Donald Trump is the one we be aiming for.

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Link to homepage of Robert Paul Reyes: http://robertpaulreyes.com

Trump’s Twitter Typos

Twitter is my favorite social media platform, and I fire off more than a dozen tweets on a daily basis. It`s easy to make a typo when I`m angrily responding to a tweet of someone blasting one of my articles, but unless it`s a flagrant typo I usually don`t bother to correct it. My pet peeve is anal-retentive wankers whose panties get in a twist over punctuation or typos in a tweet.

However I`m not the Leader of the Free World, and I have thousands not millions of followers. A typo on my Twitter feed will most likely go unnoticed, but a comma in the wrong place or a typo can cause an international incident if you`re the President of the United States.

I don`t think I`m being anal-retentive when I criticize Trump for his grammar-challenged and typo-ridden tweets. When Trump sends a tweet at an ungodly hour in the moment, he should wake up whoever he`s sleeping with and ask her to check his spelling, punctuation and grammar.

But then again even if Trump`s tweets were free of typos and punctuation errors, they are still the ramblings of a sick and twisted mind.

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Bizarre UK Police Sketch Breaks the Internet

“A British police department`s computer-generated sketch of a suspect is going viral thanks to the face`s unrealistic proportions.

Warwickshire Police tweeted a sketch of a man believed to have been involved in a distraction burglary in Stratford, England, in February.

The department said the sketch was based on the victim`s description, but commenters on Twitter suggested the sketch`s unusually large mouth and teeth made it more closely resemble a Snapchat filter than a real person`s face.”

UPI

After distracting the homeowner, burglars broke into her home and stole an undisclosed amount of money.

I can only assume that all the burglar with the huge mouth had to do was smile to distract the hapless homeowner, while his partner-in-crime snuck inside.

The computer-generated sketch was based on the description of the victim. Perhaps this woman has a fetish for men with a huge mouth, and all she could tell the cops was that the burglar`s mouth was a mile wide.

I can`t say I blame the befuddled woman, if a burglar with big boobs conned her way into my home, I would tell the police sketch artist: Dude her face was a blank, all I can remember is her incredible rack.

Needless to say this burglar will never be caught based on the police computer-generated sketch.

Pic of sketch:

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/04/Police-departments-big-mouthed-suspect-sketch-goes-viral/1451522852189/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=7

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Trump Tweets Thanks to Rasmussen Reports Poll

“President Trump took to Twitter on Tuesday and commented on a poll from conservative-leaning Rasmussen Reports that shows his approval rating at 50 percent, ahead of where former President Barack Obama was at the same point in his presidency.

`Thank you to Rasmussen for the honest polling. Just hit 50%, which is higher than Cheatin` Obama at the same time in his Administration,` Trump tweeted.”

AOL

If Fox News is the state propaganda organ of the Trump administration, Rasmussen Reports is the official White House poll.

The conservative-leaning Rasmussen is always an outlier, it makes you wonder if they only interview morons who`ve bought merchandise from the official Trump Store.

Although Trump`s ratings have been rising recently, most respectable polls show his approval ratings in the low 40`s.

Trump isn`t content to bask in the glow of the suspect Rasmussen poll, he can`t help but gratuitously insult Obama.

A man who`s cheated on all three of his wives, should think twice about labeling anyone as a cheater.

Polls are just a snapshot of history, but when all is said and done the history books will depict Obama as a good president, and Trump as an abomination.

Read More:

https://www.aol.com/article/news/2018/04/03/trump-my-approval-rating-hit-50-percent-higher-than-that-of-cheatin-obama/23401711/

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