Official White House Christmas Portrait an Abomination From the Pit of Hell

Creepy Portrait

Melania Trump just posted this year`s official White House Christmas portrait, and there`s nothing homey or Christmassy about it.

I`m not a photographer, I can`t even take a decent selfie, but I can spot a bad photo when I see one.

The image has a surreal non-human quality, I wonder if the photographer was the famous Sophia the Robot.

The presidential couple looks two dimensional, almost like cardboard cutouts.

They are looking at the camera with big smiles, obviously the smiles aren`t a result of the warmth of their relationship, but the automatic reflex of politicians facing cameras.

They are holding hands, something Melania is loath to do with her husband, maybe the holding hands was photoshopped.

Melania`s infamous blood-red Christmas trees are nowhere to be seen, they posed in a room with normal-looking Christmas trees, except for the disturbing fact that the red Christmas balls aren`t hanging from the trees but are littered around the stumps.

The couple`s son, Barron, is not pictured, he was probably hanging out with a Secret Service agent or whoever is responsible for raising him.

The image is devoid of any religious symbolism: no Baby Jesus, manger scene or any other traditional Christian object.

Trump doesn`t even pretend to be an evangelical, no problem though, his white evangelical base still worships him.

I found myself unconsciously making the sign of the cross after looking at this execrable photograph.

Space Cadet Donald Trump Orders Creation of Space Command

Space Cadet Trump

“President Donald Trump ordered the creation of Space Command on Tuesday, a move the administration is labeling a precursor to creating a US Space Force.

`I direct the establishment, consistent with United States law, of United States Space Command as a functional Unified Combatant Command,` Trump said in an executive memorandum to Secretary of Defense James Mattis. `I also direct the Secretary of Defense to recommend officers for my nomination and Senate confirmation as Commander and Deputy Commander of the new United States Space Command.`”

CNN

Cadet Bone Spurs aka Stable Genius aka Commander-in-chief Donald Trump directed Secretary of Defense James Mattis to establish a Space Command.

Before joining the administration General “Mad Dog” Mattis would have scoffed at the notion of a Space Force, but the neutered lap dog will proclaim that it`s the greatest invention since the Boy Scouts.

Mattis will provide Trump with nominations for the commander and deputy commander of Space Command, we will soon find out which military leaders he hates the most.

Vice President Mike Pence, speaking at Cape Canaveral Tuesday, praised the creation of the new sixth branch of the armed forces, the US Space Force. Pence is such a lackey of the president, that I wouldn`t be surprised if he volunteers to be a space cadet. Pence`s undying loyalty is to Jesus, Mother and Trump, not necessarily in that order.

Nobody in Trump`s administration, especially Mattis and Pence, has the courage to tell the Emperor that he`s not wearing any clothes, naturally nobody will tell him that his Space Force is Looney Tunes.

I might volunteer to be a space cadet if I can do basic training on Mars, where I will be far away from the moron in the White House.

Donald Trump’s Wall Will Never be Built

Orange Clown

“Anytime you hear a Democrat saying that you can have good Boarder Security without a Wall, write them off as just another politician following the party line. Time for us to save billions of dollars a year and have, at the same time, far greater safety and control.”

Donald Trump Tweet

Donald Trump`s Twitter feed gives us a glimpse into his psyche, he tweets about what keeps him awake at night. The only thing that would devastate him more than the wall not being built would be if a terrorist attack brought down Trump Tower.

The wall is a macho thing for the stable genius, to compensate for his tiny hands he desperately wants to build a high wall between the United States and Mexico to protect his white base from unwashed brown migrants.

Trump is so desperate and eager to share his toxic thoughts on social media that he doesn`t bother asking one of his aides to check his messages for typos or grammatical mistakes.

This tweet isn`t the smocking gun that proves that Trump is a fuc*ing moron, there have been literally hundreds that expose his stupidity, vulgarity and evil nature.

It`s just another in a string of tweets that illustrates why we must get rid of the idiot by any means necessary.

All Americans, including boarders, will rest easy only when Trump is convicting for his myriad crimes and is incarcerated in a federal prison with high walls.

Donald Trump is a Malignant and Suffocating Presence in American Life? How Do We End the Nightmare?

In a sane period in American history, before the ascendancy of Donald Trump, we didnt give much thought to who was in power. We went about our daily lives comfortable in the knowledge that Congress, the Supreme Court, and the president (whomever he might be) would keep our democracy humming along.

We only thought of the president during times of national emergency: in the advent of a national emergency, the declaration of a war or when he was delivering a speech of consequence, like a State of the Union address.

Then came Donald Trump. The president of the reality TV era is a malignant presence, he permeates every aspect of our culture from social media to the cable news outlets to late night TV.

He is a suffocating presence in American life, his white evangelical base meditates on him day and night with religious intensity, and his critics spend all their waking hours planning and scheming how they can impeach or by any other means get rid of the bastard.

Trump is always on TV, berating the political opposition, summarily firing members of his administration, and uttering lies.

Trump has caused millions of Americans to doubt in the existence of God, and millions of others to doubt the supremacy of democracy. If there`s a God in heaven why doesn`t he smite the moral degenerate? If democracy is the ideal form of governance, how in the name of God did we end up with Trump in the White House?

I must confess that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of Trump, as is evident in the hundreds of essays I`ve written about him in the last three years.

How can we preserve our sanity in the age of Trump? Assassination is morally repressible and illegal, and we mustn`t give it a moment`s consideration.

We must find solace in the truism that “this too shall pass,” but at the same time we must actively fight to end the Trump administration as soon as possible through legal and democratic means.

Comic Joe Wong is Spot On: Trump’s Wall Will Become Tourist Attraction

“Chinese-American comedian Joe Wong had a message for President Donald Trump about his proposed U.S.-Mexico border wall on Fridays broadcast of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

`I`m from China,` Wong said. `So I know a lot about walls. They don`t work.`

He then bluntly predicted what would eventually become of Trump`s southern barrier, should it ever be constructed – `a huge tourist attraction.`”

Huffington Post

Asians make lousy stand-up comics, how can you be funny when your comedy is so inscrutable and you`re so damn meek and mild? No emails please, I could give a damn if you don`t like my politically-incorrect humor.

But Joe Wong did make me smile when he said that Trump`s wall, should it ever be constructed, would be a huge tourist attraction.

The wall, especially with the Democrats in charge of the House, will never be built, it was never meant to be more than a dog`s whistle to Trump`s racist base.

But if it`s built it will surely be a tourist attraction, I can visualize tourists flocking to the wall to witness migrants rappelling over the cursed thing. Artists will paint murals on the wall, and graffiti artists will tag the wall from one end to the other. Other critics will take a more kinetic action, blowing up entrances in the name of freedom.

If there are dozens of tunnels between the highly militarized border between Israel and the Gaza, surely there will be hundreds of tunnels between Mexico and the United States.

The civilized world will demand “Tear down This Wall Mr. Trump,” and the next president will tear down the abomination.

Wong is spot on, the wall will be a damn tourist attraction.

Nancy Pelosi Eviscerates Donald Trump

The manspreading president sat in his yellow chair in front of the fireplace, I`m surprised he`s managed thus far to restrain himself from replacing it with a golden throne.

When Trump is in the Oval Office he expects all the supplicants, whether they`re heads of states or American politicians, to treat him with deference and respect.

Trump summoned the past and future Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and the Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer to discuss the budget and immigration, specifically his damn wall.

Trump expected the event that was televised live to showcase his determination to build the wall, and his superiority over his Democratic rivals. He probably imagined his evangelical base assembled in circle jerks in churches and living rooms across the nation praising Jesus over his performance.

But things didn`t go according to plan. Nancy and Chuck didn`t get the memo that they`re supposed to act like sycophants when granted an audience before the stable genius.

Trump was gesticulating wildly with his tiny hands, and practically shouting. But Chuck wasn`t intimidated and he matched Trump`s decibel level, and he waved his normal-sized hands in the air, making the president`s diminutive hands look even smaller in comparison.

And then the new sheriff in town, Nancy Pelosi, without raising her voice or gesticulating wildly put the mansplaining Trump in his place. She demonstrated that you don`t need to engage in histrionics to get the better of Trump, all that`s required is a spine and facts.

Pelosi gave us a glorious taste of how the House, with her in charge, will hold Trump accountable for the duration of his term, whether it`s a few months or two more wretched years.

Cat Gets Stuck in Dryer’s Vent

The cat`s owners discovered her in the tight spot, but were unable to free their kitty from the 6-in.-wide space she managed to crawl into.

“According to the RSPCA, a feline found herself caught in the pipework of a tumble dryer after crawling into the machine`s vent.

Unsure what to do next, the owners called RSPCA for help.”

People Magazine

It`s axiomatic that cats love warm dryers, whenever I open my dryer if I`m not paying attention one of my cats will jump in and snuggle in my warm clothes. I may seem like a terrible cat owner, but I`ve accidentally closed my dryer with one of my mischievous kitties inside.

I can certainly understand a feline jumping into a dryer, but until now I`ve never heard of a cat crawling into the machine`s vent.

When your cat gets stuck in a tree you call the fire department, and I guess when it gets stuck in a dryer`s vent you call the SPCA.

An officer from the SPCA greased the pipe with butter and pushed the cat out of the vent. The cat wasn`t injured, only her pride was hurt as she tried to lick off the butter from her fur.

The Chuck and Nancy Oval Office Emasculation of Donald Trump Rendered Mike Pence Mute

After Kanye West`s surreal Oval Office meeting with Donald Trump, ostensibly to talk about prison reform, went off the rails with the rapper dropping F-bombs like confetti, I thought surely there will never be a more surreal meeting in that lofty office where so much history has been made.

Suffice to say I was wrong, boy was I wrong.

Trump invited cameras to his Oval Office meeting with Chuck and Nancy, the narcissist thought the photo-op of him berating the Democratic Congressional leaders over their refusal to allocate funds for his wall would play well with his base.

Things didn`t go according to plan. It was like taking candy from a baby, Chuck and Nancy tricked Trump into owning his expected government shutdown.

After an animated Trump, wildly waving his tiny hands, said that Pelosi was “in a situation where it`s not easy for her to talk right now” because of the speakership race, Boss Lady Pelosi nipped that mansplaining in the bud, lecturing him:

Mr. President, please don`t characterize the strength that I bring to this meeting as the leader of the House Democrats, who just won a big victory.

There wasn`t a court jester present at the boisterous meeting, but there was a mute Elf on the Shelf. Mike Pence didn`t utter a word, maybe he thought that Jesus blessed him with the gift of invisibility, and nobody would even know he was there.

The only thing Trump accomplished is that for half a news cycle the Chuck and Nancy emasculation of the stable genius knocked the Mueller investigation as the lead story on the cable news outlets.

Melania Trump Hasn’t Bought Donald Trump Any Christmas Gifts

“FIRST LADY Melania Trump is yet to buy her husband any Christmas presents, with the couple frequently not exchanging festive gifts at all, it has been claimed.

A source close to the First Lady told Hollywood Life: `Melania absolutely loves Christmas, she goes all out, but as of now she has yet to buy Donald anything.`

`Melania says Donald`s next to impossible to buy for and often they don`t exchange gifts at all for Christmas.`”

Express

I can empathize with Melania`s quandary, after all what do you give a billionaire who already owns the most expensive toys in the world?

Perhaps the first lady can create her own Christmas card, as a token of the love and affection she has for her husband. But of course there is never any love and affection between a gold-digger/trophy wife and her spouse, so hand-created gifts are out of the question.

Anyway, judging by Melania`s blood-red Christmas trees her gifts would probably be as tacky and gaudy as the trinket a Madam of a brothel would give her favorite customer. She`s probably going to end up giving Trump a blood-red butt plug signed by Mike Pence.

At the Trump White House Christmas resembles Festivus, grievances may be aired, and I doubt any presents will be exchanged.

Donald Trump Screws Up Coin Toss at Army-Navy Game

Everything Donald Trump says or does is controversial, he can`t shake hands, salute or toss a coin without making headlines.

Trump attended the 119th annual Army-Navy game in Philadelphia, and video of the stable genius tossing the ceremonial coin has Twitter in a frenzy. Trump might as well have tossed Mike Pompeo`s salad (in the UrbanDictionary.Com definition of the phrase), for all the controversy that ensued.

Trump had one job to do, a very simple job, but as usual he screwed things up. How could Trump fail at such an easy task, his tiny fingers are custom-made for flipping a coin, for God`s sake!

A play-by-play description of the presidential toss won`t do it justice, you have to see the video to comprehend the awkwardness of the incident.

Let me just make this one point about the coin toss that shook a nation to its core. It`s understood that the celeb who tosses the coin isn`t expected to pick it up, nevertheless Trump arrogantly pointed at the ground for the referee to pick up the damn coin.

A president who is incapable of flipping a coin shouldn`t be allowed anywhere near the nuclear button. Impeach the coin-tossing wanker now!