Donald Trump Faked Phone Call to Brag About Book Sales

“Pete Davidson, the SNL comedian with the compelling theory that Donald Trump doesn`t know how to read, has shared another wonderful anecdote about Trump`s unfortunate hosting gig in 2015. In an interview with Open Late`s Peter Rosenberg, Davidson said that Trump, for no apparent reason, `faked a phone call` during a table read. Answering his imaginary phone call, Trump said without any pause, `Fantastic, okay great.`

`Then he hung up,` Davidson continued, and he goes, `Hey everybody, my book just went No. 1.` What a charmer.”


Long before he became president Donald Trump surrounded himself with celebrities from the worlds of sports and entertainment.

Trump treats politicians, businessmen and common people with contempt, but he`s always tried to ingratiate himself with celebs. Let`s not forget that trying to impress D-List celeb Billy Bush almost derailed his presidential campaign.

I`m not surprised that during Trump`s presidential campaign he tried to impress the cast of SNL by pretending he received a phone call informing him that his book just reached the top of the bestseller list.

Trump didn`t care that his ruse was so transparent (to this day he doesn`t care that his lies are so blatantly false), he just couldn`t miss an opportunity to brag to his fellow celebs.

The SNL cast was unimpressed with the narcissistic blowhard, it`s a shame that enough Americans were impressed with the despicable con artist to elect him to the White House.

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Rock Icon Keith Richards Says America Must Get Rid of Donald Trump

“Keith Richards, guitarist for the legendary rock `n roll band the Rolling Stones, said the US should get rid of President Donald Trump — and recalled when he said he did the same during a 1989 tour by wielding a knife.

The rock icon told the BBC Trump was their promoter for an Atlantic City show in 1989, and recalled going red with anger when the future President`s name took top billing for their show as `Donald Trump presents the Rolling Stones.`

`I got out my trusty blade, stuck it in the table and said: `You have to get rid of this man,` Richards said. He continued, `Now America has to get rid of him. Don`t say I didn`t warn you.`”


In 1989 Keith Richards already had 25 years of drug and alcohol abuse under his belt, but he had enough presence of mind to realize that Donald Trump was a toxic narcissistic buffoon who shouldn`t be associated with his concert tour.

Thirty years later the rock `n roll icon has only a couple of hundred functioning brain cells, but he still recognizes Trump as an existential threat to our American democracy.

Trump`s supporters may have a few thousand more functioning brain cells that the legendary guitarist, but they utterly fail to recognize their Messiah as a fuc*ing moron.

Thirty years ago Richards punctuated his disgust for Trump by sticking his beloved knife, that he probably used to cut lines of cocaine, into a table.

We feel Richards, God knows how many lovers of democracy have punched walls, and kicked their TV when Trump`s on the screen.

Richards` music will live forever, I pray and hope that his warning will inspire us to overthrow Trump by any means necessary.

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Try Not to Vomit As You Watch John Travolta Dance with 50 Cent on Stage At Cannes

Curtis James Jackson III, known professionally as 50 Cent, is an actor, entrepreneur, investor and old-ass rapper.

To keep things gangsta real, once a rapper reaches the age of 40, some homeboy should cap his ass if he doesn`t retire.

Fiddy desperately tries to keep relevant in the rap game by starting feuds with other rappers, but the 42-year-old rapper only succeeds in making a clown out of himself.

A video of the dinosaur rapper performing on stage at the Cannes Film Festival with senior citizen John Travolta dancing by his side has gone viral.

People just can`t get enough of the two-bit rapper and the most famous closeted gay in Hollywood making complete fools of themselves.

In his “Saturday Night Fever” days Travolta could really cut the rug, and in his “In Da Club” days 50 Cent could rap like a mofo, but today these decrepit entertainers shouldn`t be allowed on stage.

Link to video:

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Oldest Living Person in the World Says Life is a Punishment

“A woman purported to be the oldest living person ever at 128 says she hasn`t lived a single happy day in her life and her longevity is a punishment.

The Russian government claims Koku Istambulova is the world`s oldest person.

But she has bluntly said her longevity was God`s will and she did nothing to make it happen.

While some people chalk it up to a healthy or active lifestyle, tired Koku said: `I have no idea how I lived until now.`

Due to turn 129 in two weeks, she added: `I have not had a single happy day in my life.`”


Usually when a sweet old lady reaches a milestone birthday, it`s presented as a “good news” story, and a photo of a smiling centenarian (probably a stock photo) accompanies the article.

The woman is quoted attributing her longevity to prayer, a healthy diet, or good genes. Inevitably she thanks God for a long life, and wishes she could stick around for a decade longer.

Koku Istambulova don`t play that, homegirl keeps it real. The world`s oldest living person claims she hasn`t had a happy day in her life. She says she`s tired, and has no idea how she`s lived so long.

I can`t begin to imagine the horror of living to the age of 128; I would be begging the Good Lord or the Grim Reaper to put me out of my misery.

It`s not my intention to sound cruel, but I hope Istambulova doesn`t live one day longer in this wretched world.

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The Proper Way to Pick Up a Cat! Video!

I have two cats, Ebony an 18-year-old female cat, and Tico a huge male cat who tips the scales at 25 pounds. I shower my kitties with kisses and hugs, but I never, ever, pick them up.

Ebony is an affectionate furball who loves to cuddle with me when I`m watching TV, but if I try to pick her up she will transform into a beast who is all claws and teeth.

When Ebony was a kitten I picked her up all the time, but when she became a full-grown feline she let me know in no uncertain terms that those days were gone for good.

Tico is a big old affectionate pussy cat, and he won`t turn into a monster if I pick him up. But picking up a 25-pound cat puts too much stress on my back, and I`m not a spring chicken.

The last time I picked up Tico I remember dropping him when he was about three feet from the floor, and the impact was too much for him and he sat motionless for about a minute. I vowed, right then and there, never to pick him up again.

Here`s a video demonstrating the proper way to pick up a cat, for kitty lovers who don`t have psycho cats or cats that weigh as much as a baby hippo:

Pooch Raised by Chinese Family for Two Years Turns Out to be a Black Bear

“When Su Yun bought her family a puppy two years ago, she was surprised by how much the dog ate. “A box of fruits and two buckets of noodles every day,” she told Chinese media.

There was, it turns out, a reason for its prodigious appetite: the animal has grown into a 250lb bear.

The family realised their error when the pet did not stop growing and started showing a talent for walking on two legs.”


I`m not surprised that a Chinese family mistook a bear for a dog, after all the average Chinese sees a dog only when it`s packaged as dog meat in a grocery store or as the entrée in a restaurant.

It was only after two years when the animal ballooned to 250 pounds, and started walking on two legs did the clueless family say to themselves, “maybe this thing isn`t a pooch.”

If my dog developed a penchant for walking around on two legs, I would call an exorcist or animal control.

The bear has been taken to a wildlife rescue center after the family called the authorities requesting help.

I hope and pray the family is sentenced a year in a reeducation camp where they will learn the difference between a playful pup and a freaking bear.

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Night Night Donald Trump, You Disgusting Halfwit

Since June 2, 2016 Dan Rebellato, a distinguished professor, has tweeted the following message to Donald Trump, every night, before going to bed:

Night night you disgusting halfwit. xx

You`d expect the renowned playwright and professor of contemporary theatre at Royal Holloway, University of London to publish an article in a literary magazine, replete with footnotes, condemning the short-fingered vulgarian, but when dealing with a disgusting ignoramus a snarky tweet will suffice.

The tweet is a minimalist masterpiece!

It should be noted that the good professor is wishing the septuagenarian buffoon “night night,” not “good night” or “good morning.” It is the nightly message that you deliver to a skinflint grandfather who`d just as soon piss on you as bless you financially. “Night night” is what you mumble to an old fart that you secretly hope will die in his sleep.

Rebellato calls our national disgrace a “disgusting halfwit” to differentiate him from the vast number of halfwits who aren`t disgusting. There are many good-natured halfwits who make us smile with their moronic antics, and silly halfwits who make us grateful that we weren`t last in line when God was passing out brains, and then there are disgusting halfwits who make us doubt the existence of a benevolent deity.

Rebellato`s nightly ritual is a soothing salve to countless of Americans suffering under the Trump regime. As an American I salute Rebellato! You sir are a scholar and a gentleman, and I admire your wit!

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Jim Carrey Taunts ‘Psycho’ Mike Pence

“Actor Jim Carrey shared his latest politically motivated piece of artwork on Friday, this time the Hollywood star`s portrait taking aim at Vice President Mike Pence.

The drawing appears to show Pence dressed in a robe, watching over a fly positioned on his right hand.

`I hope they are watching … They`ll see,` reads the text accompanying text. `They`ll see and they`ll know, and they`ll say, `Why Mike Pence wouldn`t even harm a fly … `”


The quote is from the Alfred Hitchcock classic “Psycho,” a not so subtle hint that our Vice President is a dangerous psycho.

Norman Bates victims were guests of the infamous Bates Motel, but Pence`s victims is the entire population of the United States, especially if he succeeds Trump.

Bates` relationship with his dead mother is the stuff that nightmares are made of, and Pence`s relationship with his wife whom he calls “Mother” is the stuff that gives normal Americans the heebie-jeebies.

Carrey`s artwork is in black and white with the exception of Pence`s piercing green eyes, the eyes of a zealot. Pence is a well-known evangelical zealot, on a mission from God to persecute gays and lesbians, and oppress the poor and disenfranchised.

But when it comes to Psycho Mike Pence politics trumps religion, and he is a political zealot who will debase and humiliate himself in an effort to please his Messiah, Donald Trump.

I hope and pray that Robert Mueller`s investigation will culminate with the impeachment of Trump and Pence. We must not make the mistake of breathing a sigh of relief if Trump is impeached or forced to resign, if Psycho Pence is still in the picture.

Pic of Carrey masterpiece:

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Melania Trump Doesn’t Share a Bedroom With Donald Trump!

Donald and Melania Trump reportedly lead very separate lives within the White House – so much so that the couple do not share a bedroom within 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, according to a recent profile of the first lady in the Washington Post.

But just how unusual is it for first couples to have separate sleeping quarters? Presidential experts tell PEOPLE it`s an arrangement the country hasn`t seen in more than forty years.

First lady scholar Annette Dunlap, author of a biography on President Grover Cleveland`s wife, tells PEOPLE the White House hasn`t seen first couples occupy separate bedrooms since the days of Patricia and Richard Nixon in the early 1970s.”


It`s no surprise that Donald and Melania Trump lead separate lives within the White House, remember she didn`t move into 1900 Pennsylvania Ave. until June 2017.

Can anyone blame the First Lady for not sharing a bedroom with her husband? Ladies, imagine if you can, sleeping in the same bad with the Donald, and waking up to the pervert gabbing your goodies with his freakishly small hands? Or having the Twitter bully wake you up at an ungodly hour in the morning because he couldn`t help himself from firing off a tweet to complain about Comey?

If Donald wants to sleep with his spouse he probably needs to go through Melania`s scheduler, and judging by the way she swats away his repulsive tiny hands in public, I doubt they do the nasty more than once a year.

When Melania moved into the White House she tweeted:

Looking forward to the memories we`ll make in our new home!

I bet they won`t be fond memories! Memories of Trump sitting in the toilet browsing Penthouse to see which nude model he should pursue? Memories of Trump ranting and raving, because he will never be as popular as Obama?

Melania get real, the only way you will make fond memories is if you kick the Orange degenerate to the curb!

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If Your Cat Licks You It Means He Loves You

The average house cat spends about 50 percent of his time grooming himself.

If you own more than one kitty, you know that sometimes they will lick each other. It`s not a sign of dominance but of kinship, if your felines lick each other, I bet they almost never fight.

My furball, Tico, tips the scales at 25 pounds, and sometimes when I`m reclining in the sofa he will jump on top of me and lick my bald head until it shines like a bowling ball.

Even when Tico licks me right after he has groomed his nether regions, I don`t turn away in revulsion because I know it means that he loves me and considers me family.

Some of us have been licked by some very grimey girls, so don`t shove your pussy cat away when he licks you.