Two White Women Break the Internet by Eating Mayo out of a Jar

“Concessions at professional sports games can get pricey, so it`s not surprising when fans choose to smuggle in their own snacks.

What was surprising was the snack two Kings fans chose during Monday night`s game: straight-up mayonnaise, apparently.

Captured on TV broadcast as the Kings hosted the Detroit Pistons, two women appear jovial as they take turns eating spoonfuls of what appears to be mayo. The condiment crusader proudly displays the jar, label out, for the camera to see. Then, she offers the jar to her Kings-hat-wearing companion, who tries the stuff with no hesitation, shrugs and then appears to say, `It`s OK.`”

Sacramento Bee

Hot sauce is my favorite condiment, I pour it over my eggs, sandwiches, soups, and just about everything else, and maybe I shouldn`t poke fun at white people`s love of mayo. But ridicule is the coin of the realm online, so here`s my two cents worth:

Mayo is the condiment of choice of white people, they gross out civilized people by ruining perfectly good sandwiches by slathering the semen-like substance all over them.

Mayo is a condiment, it was never intended to be a snack or a meal, but two white women ruined everyone`s appetite by taking turns eating spoonfuls of the nasty stuff out of a jar.

The sadist operating the Jumbotron should be summarily fired, the fans who were there on that fateful night will need therapy for the rest of their lives.

Black folks would never defile a sandwich by smearing it with mayo, and the NBA is about 85% black – weren`t these two white devils aware they were in an NBA arena?

Some folks are trying to justify this abomination by speculating that perhaps it was pudding or ice cream in the mayo jar. I don`t care if the mayo jar was full of delicious ice cream, the sight of anyone eating mayo out of a jar will cause any civilized individual to retch.

The NBA needs to take immediate action and ban these two wicked women, for the rest of their miserable lives, from all NBA arenas.

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Jeff Bezos Walks His Robotic Dog! The Singularity Is Right Around the Corner!

“Jeff Bezos kicked off Amazons annual robotics conference with a scene straight out of a science-fiction movie.

Amazon began its annual invite-only MARS conference on Monday. The conference is dedicated to machine learning, home automation, robotics and space exploration.

Bezos posted a photo on Twitter posing with the dog-like Boston Dynamics robot, and wrote, “Taking my new dog for a walk at the #MARS2018 conference.”

The robot, named SpotMini, has become popular on the internet after unsettling videos of it learning how to open doors went viral on YouTube. Some viewers tweeted their fear that the robot would end all humans.”


There is nothing more heartwarming than watching a man walking his dog. A man and his canine companion walking in quiet tandem speaks volumes about the innate goodness of life.

The photograph of Bezos walking with his robot dog is horrifying, it`s an omen of humankind`s eventual enslavement to artificial intelligence.

Bezos posted this fear-inducing image on Twitter, this misanthrope takes pleasure in the rise of the machines.

Bezos` robotic dog has learned how to open doors, soon SpotMini Version II will lock you out of your home, consigning you to the doghouse.

I certainly don`t advocate violence against anyone, but I must confess that I fantasize about going low-tech on Bezos and flattening him and his steel hound from hell with a bulldozer.

Pic of Bezos walking his infernal dog:

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Jim Carrey’s Painting of Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a Masterpiece

“Jim Carrey, who says he began painting six years ago to heal a broken heart following his split from Jenny McCarthy, primarily paints in his studio in downtown Manhattan, and his art has been featured in a number of galleries, including the Wyland Galleries in Waikiki, Hawaii, and Lake Tahoe, California.

Since November, around the one-year mark under President Trump, Carrey has been busy creating satirical cartoons of the Trump administration and the Republican congressmen under his sway-and then tweeting them out to his 17.9 million followers.”

The Daily Beast

Jim Carrey was a comic god in the late 1990s and 2000`s, his slapstick stand-up performances and his energetic comedic movies earned him a legion of fans.

But truth be told Carrey hasn`t had a hit in decades, it`s a miracle his shtick enjoyed such lasting power. I was an early fan of Carrey, but today I`d rather be hit over the head with a sledgehammer than endure more than five minutes of his stand-up routine.

Fortunately, Carrey didn`t disappear from the spotlight when his movie career went kaput, he`s enjoyed a second career as a painter.

You wouldn`t expect a slapstick comedy star to turn into a classical painter, and indeed he hasn`t, his panting style can best be described as satirical caricatures.

Carrey is a genius in his chosen style, and lately he`s focused on painting Trump and his henchmen.

His piece de resistance is a painting of Press Secretary Sarah Sanders. He shared his painting of Sarah without naming her. The caption under her painting read:

This is the portrait of a so-called Christian whose only purpose in life is to lie for the wicked. Monstrous

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but I daresay that 99 out of 100 men would agree that Sanders is butt ugly. It wouldn`t be entirely accurate to label Carrey`s depiction of her a caricature, because in real life she looks like a caricature.

White evangelicals have their feces-encrusted thongs in a twist because Carrey called her a “so-called Christian,” but that`s an accurate description for all white evangelicals.

Sanders is a malignant tumor who daily excuses, justifies and flat-out lies on behalf of the most evil and unchristian steaming pile of dung to ever sit in the Oval Office.

Carrey`s depiction of Sanders is a masterpiece, it perfectly captures her demonic essence.

I hope Carrey enjoys as long a period of fame as a painter as he enjoyed as a comedy star, especially if he continues to paint members of the Trump administration.

Link to the pic of the most evil woman in Washington:

Will America Survive Donald Trump’s Golden Showers?

The White House is Swamp Incorporated, on a daily basis we are inundated with toxic tweets, political intrigue, mixed messages, the toxic aftermath of presidential liaisons with porn stars and Playboy centerfolds, excuses for Russian treachery, and just about everything else that stinks to high heaven.

We`ve been experiencing a flood of Biblical proportions for the last year, but we are being drenched not with cleansing rain, but with golden showers.

Christopher Steele`s infamous dossier included the salacious claim that Donald Trump once ordered hookers to perform a golden show in front of him while at a hotel in Russia.

Excerpt from Steele`s dossier:

According to the Source D, where s/he had been present, TRUMP`s (perverted) conduct in Moscow included hiring the suite if the Ritz Carlton Hotel, where he knew President and Mrs OBAMA (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia, and defiling the bed where they had slept by employing prostitutes to perform a `golden showers` (urination) show in front of him. The hotel was known to be under FSB control with microphones and concealed cameras in all the main rooms to record anything they wanted to.

This dossier was published in 2017, and the golden rain is still staining and corrupting our moral infrastructure.

There have been countless articles, theses and even books written about Donald Trump`s pee tape. Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton`s sex tapes failed to break the Internet, but if Trump`s pee tape is ever leaked online it may be the final nail in the coffin of Western Civilization.

It`s impossible to go online, read a newspaper, or watch the TV news without being drenched by the golden showers emanating from the Trump administration.

America survived Monica Lewinsky`s DNA-stained blue dress, and her orifice being employed as a cigar humidifier, and I`m confident that we will survive Trump`s seemingly endless golden showers.

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Donald Trump Exposed on New Yorker Cover: Barry Blitt Masterpiece

“The cover of the upcoming issue of The New Yorker features an image of Donald Trump standing nude as he answers questions from a gaggle of reporters with their hands in the air. A judiciously placed lectern covers a crucial part of the president`s anatomy as he points to a member of the press.”

Huffington Post

What message is the artist, Barry Blitt attempting to convey?

That the press and the public is so used to Donald Trump`s outrageous behavior, that nothing he does shocks us anymore? Indeed, if Trump held a news conference in the buff, the event would go on as planned, and not one of the reporters would inquire: Sir, why are you naked?

That the press has exposed Trump as an emperor who isn`t wearing any clothes? It doesn`t matter if the media has exposed Trump as a racist buffoon who is in over his head, his base still treats him like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. If Trump held a news conference butt naked, the likes of Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham would tell their viewers that he wore a beautiful red tie, and a conservative blue business suit.

That Trump believes that the rules and conventions of polite society don`t apply to him, and that the public must accept him on his own terms? And by golly, if he does a press conference in the nude, the press must act as if that`s par for the course?

Blitt depicts Trump as a huge figure who towers over the assembled reporters. Is Blitt saying that Trump is a bigger than life figure, or is he simply illustrating the obvious fact that he is a fat pig?

I`m not sure what message Blitt was trying to convey, but I do know that he deserves a Pulitzer Prize. That huge naked illustration of Trump brilliantly captures his brazen decadence.

Link to Blitt`s masterpiece:

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Trump’s Bowling Ball Test

“President Donald Trump often speaks of how other countries treat American products unfairly. At a private fundraising event in Missouri, Trump singled out a particular practice in Japan.

`It`s called the bowling ball test. Do you know what that is?` Trump said, according to a recording obtained by the Washington Post. `That`s where they take a bowling ball from 20 feet up in the air, and they drop it on the hood of the car. And if the hood dents, then the car doesn`t qualify. Well, guess what, the roof dented a little bit, and they said, nope, this car doesn`t qualify. It`s horrible, the way we`re treated. It`s horrible.`”


The Washington Post noted: It was unclear what he was talking about. No shi*! The same thing could be said after almost every Trump comment.

When White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked in her regular press briefing, what the heck Trump was talking about, she responded that he was just joking. That`s the default explanation for Trump aides when their boss utters a ridiculous statement.

I have my own version of the Bowling Ball Test, if you believe Japan employs a bowling ball test to disqualify American imports, or just about anything else that emanates from Trump`s sphincter-shaped mouth, you have the IQ of a bowling ball.

If you drop a bowling ball from 20 feet up in the air on the hood of any car, be it a Mercedes-Benz or a Ford Focus, the hood will cave in.

Modern cars are intentionally made to crush under even a moderate impact, the more a car crushes the more it absorbs the energy. Better the automobile absorb the impact than a bowling ball or a human head.

I wish a patriot would end this charade and drop a bowling ball on Trump`s head from 200 feet in the air. Please no calls from the Secret Service, like Trump I have a penchant for joking around.

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Cops to Get Police Cat!

“Last week, the Troy Police Department set a goal: 10,000 Twitter followers by April and the department gets a police cat.

Well, they hit the goal on Wednesday morning, which means it`s time for police cat!

Click on Detroit

Every police department worth its salt has a K-9 officer, but a canine officer ain`t no therapy animal, and it can`t be used in community outreach.

A canine officer who runs down criminals, and sniffs out your stash isn`t going to engender warm and cozy feelings toward cops.

I give a K-9 officer a wide berth, but if I see a cop petting a Kitty Officer I would feel compelled to pet the cat and hug his human handler.

The Kitty Officer will be expected to make public appearances on behalf of the police department, but he won`t live in the police station. He will go home every night with an officer.

This is simply a brilliant idea, can you imagine a cat wearing a police hat? He would inspire hundreds of kids to become police officers!

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Stormy Daniels Begs Fans to Pay Legal Fees for Lawsuit Against Donald Trump

“Stormy Daniels, the former porn star who says she had an affair with Trump in his pre-political days, is raising money to pay the legal fees and potential damages for her lawsuit against him.

The suit alleges that the hush agreement that keeps Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, from telling her story is invalid.

On the site – which was tweeted about by Daniels` lawyer, Michael Avenatti – Daniels said she would use the funds raised to pay for attorneys` fees, out-of-pocket costs associated with the lawsuit, security expenses and damages if she loses her suit. She said she did not have the “vast resources” to fight Trump and lawyer Michael Cohen on her own.

Per the crowd fundraiser, Cohen and Trump have threatened damages amounting to $1 million for every time she speaks out about the alleged affair.”

USA Today

Throughout his career real estate mogul Donald Trump sued or threatened to sue his business competitors as a form of intimidation. It`s poetic justice that now that he`s president a porn star is suing him in an attempt to break her nondisclosure agreement.

Trump was a moron for screwing around with a high profile porn star, and Daniels was a moron for agreeing to keep her diseased trap shut for a measly $130,000.

Now the shameless porn starlet is begging her fans to finance her suit against the president. Daniels no longer makes porn flicks, but she should make a couple more to finance her lawsuit. A couple of possible movie titles:

A Wrinkle in Time: The Odyssey of a Whore through Space and Time to Find the Perfect Lover.

The Black Panther from Wakanda Tangles with the White Skank from Baton Rouge.

Here`s how I hope and pray this sordid affair plays out: Daniels wins her lawsuit and sells a sex tape online depicting her drenching Trump in golden showers. This is too much even for Trump`s white evangelical supports to stomach and they finally turn against the bastard. But before Daniels can cash her first check she dies of syphilis.

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Court Rules Alleging Richard Simmons is Transitioning from Man to Woman Isn’t Defamation

“Richard Simmons was ordered to pay nearly $130,000 to the National Enquirer and Radar Online after the exercise guru sued the two media outlets for running a series of articles alleging he was transitioning to become a woman.

Simmons, 69, was ordered by Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Gregory Keosian Friday to pay the media outlets` attorneys` fees and American Media, their publisher, the Los Angeles Times reported.

Simmons sued the media outlets in May for a series of articles that alleged the fitness guru was transitioning to become a woman. He claimed that, while he holds no personal ill-feelings toward the transgender community, the articles were false and defamatory to his character. Simmons` lawyers argued that as a public figure, he has a legal right to “not be portrayed as someone he is not.”

However, Keosian ruled that alleging someone is transgender is not necessarily defamatory. Keosian dismissed Simmons case on Sept. 1, 2017.”

Fox News

Richard Simmons is an eccentric and he offends my aesthetic sensibilities, whenever I see him on TV with his shaved body and tiny shorts I want to blow up my screen with my shotgun.

But different strokes for different folks, and if the fey bastard is your cup of tea, more power to you.

Richard Simmons has disappeared from the national spotlight, he hasn`t made a public appearance in years, and most of us are delighted that he`s become a recluse.

Naturally publications that feature celebrities are going to speculate on the reason for his disappearance. The National Enquirer and Radar Online naturally concluded that the little freak was in hiding as he transitioned to become a woman.

Simmons sued these fine publications for defamation, and the judge correctly ruled that alleging someone is transgender isn`t defamation.

If they had impugned his motivation for transitioning from a male to a female, and alleged that he wasn`t suffering from gender dysphoria but was following in the footsteps of noted drama queen Bruce Jenner and he was interested only in publicity that would have been defamation.

The little ninny is 69-freaking-years-old, and he should be focusing on transitioning from a man to a corpse.

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White Evangelicals are the Greatest Threat to Christianity and Democracy

President Donald Trump is the most crude, vulgar, petty, corrupt and unchristian president in history:

Trump`s charitable foundation makes the Clinton foundation look like a paragon of virtue. Trump`s foundation admitted violating federal rules on self-dealing that bars nonprofit leaders from funneling their charity`s money to themselves, their business or their families. Every Trump enterprise is self-dealing from his faux university to his stint as president of the United States.

Before he became a politician Trump darkened the door of a church only three times, to get married. During his presidential campaign and his first year in office he`s attended church a couple more times, just to prove to his less faithful evangelical supporters that he`s not the Antichrist.

Trump believes in the Golden Rule: He that has the gold makes the rules. And the corollary: He that has the gold can disregard the rules.

Trump doesn`t know crap about the Bible, the only books he can remember are Genesis and Two Corinthians. The only time he touches a Bible is for depositions, and when he runs out of toilet paper.

Trump`s never uttered a prayer in his life, although he cynically offers his thoughts and prayers after a national tragedy.

Trump has never apologized to any of the countless politicians, celebrities, journalists and judges that he has crudely mocked and ridiculed, and he famously declared that he`s never asked God for forgiveness.

This is the cesspool of evil that white evangelicals venerate and treat like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Thank you Donald Trump for exposing the moral bankruptcy of white evangelicals. Thank you Donald Trump for educating us to the truth that white evangelicals are the greatest danger to Christianity and democracy.

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