Robert Paul Reyes: My Death Wish List for 2017

The Grim Reaper was busy in 2016 culling the best and brightest from the realms of entertainment, sports and politics. The death of icons like Muhammad Ali, David Bowie, Carrie Fisher and John Glenn left a deep void in our culture.

The Grim Reaper never takes a holiday, and he will be busy again in 2017 snuffing out the brightest lights, but I hope he will take out these dim bulbs next year:

The Kardashian Sluts

The Kardashian women are indistinguishable from one another. They all have surgically-enhanced body parts, a penchant for dating black rappers and athletes, and a love for the limelight. They have no talent, and are famous for being famous. Let`s hope and pray they achieve immortality be dying together in a plane crash.

Hillary Clinton

Hillary is a decrepit old hag and she should have died years ago, but her pride and stubbornness will fortify her will into her 90`s. I`m keeping my fingers crossed that a killer clown will dispatch her to hell before she mounts yet another presidential campaign.

Nancy Pelosi

Pelosi is older than Methuselah and as wicked as the devil, if she doesn`t die of Botox poisoning in 2017 there is no God.

Oprah Winfrey

If pride comes before a fall, then it`s high time that Oprah falls straight into the fiery pit of hell.

Katie Couric

The only thing that Couric ever had going for her was her perkiness, but age extinguished her perkiness decades ago, she`s past her expiration date.

Mariah Carey

Carey was one of the brightest stars of the 90`s, but nobody has nostalgia for that forgettable decade, and nobody would miss her if the Grim Reaper dragged her to hell.

Lady Gaga

Her final performance act in 2017 should be ritual suicide on stage.

Nicki Minaj

Barbie? Really? Barbie doesn`t have a grotesquely fat butt! Enough said!

Meryl Streep

Enough is enough! I hope the Grim Reaper takes her out before she`s nominated for yet another award.

Feminist

That means any feminist who complains that I included only women on my list.

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Federal Court Ruling: Cop Can Shoot a Dog if it Barks or Moves When He Enters a Home

“A police officer can shoot a dog if it barks or moves when the officer enters a home, under a new federal court ruling issued this month.
The ruling comes after police in Battle Creek, Michigan, shot two pit bulls while searching a home for evidence of drugs in 2013.”
WGNTV.Com

My dog Mandy is a German Shepherd/Pit Bull mix, she may be physically imposing but whenever I take her for a walk she`s mobbed by the neighborhood children. Mandy has a sweet disposition and she never barks or yelps when the kids pet her, but she does bark when she`s in my backyard and a stranger walks up to my front porch.

Newsflash: Dogs bark, especially when a stranger invades their territory.

Newsflash: Dogs aren`t going to sit still when a stranger is inside their home.

Dogs can sense when their owners are nervous, and they are very protective, of course they are going to bark and move towards a police officer when he enters their home.

A police officer shouldn`t be a Nervous Nellie, he shouldn`t automatically shoot a dog just because he barks and approaches him.

Mandy is a member of my family, and if a police officer shot her just because she barked, I would be devastated.

The judge who ruled in favor of the police officers in this particular case is a moron, and his ruling shouldn`t be interpreted as a blanket ruling for cops across the country.

Read More:
http://wgntv.com/2016/12/28/federal-court-rules-police-can-shoot-a-dog-if-it-moves-or-barks-when-officers-enter-a-home/

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John Kerry’s Forked Tongue: Video

Secretary of State John Kerry lashed out against Israel on Wednesday for settlement-building, accusing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of intentionally sabotaging the peace process. The reptilian Secretary of State had the gall to deny that the Obama administration betrayed Israel with the controversial U.N. vote.

I won`t spend any time analyzing Kerry`s anti-Israel screed, in which he devoted most of his time blaming Israel for the stalled peace process, and hardly mentioned Palestinian terrorism, anti-Israel state propaganda, and failure to recognize Israel as a Jewish state.

This article is about the physical appearance of John Kerry, and what it signifies. Many comedians and pundits have mentioned John Kerry`s striking resemblance to Herman Munster, but when I see Kerry I`m not reminded of the lovable Herman Munster, but of a malevolent snake.

During his anti-Israel speech John Kerry`s forked tongue darted in and out of his mouth dozens of times, it was like watching Satan himself delivering a speech.

There has been much controversy over Donald Trump`s pick of Rex Tillerson for Secretary of State, but at least he didn`t select an emissary of Satan.

Watch this video of Kerry`s speech, but I must warn you that you might be tempted to cut off the head of the snake. I won`t be liable for your legal fees.

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What Would a Third Obama Term Look Like?

“Arguing that Americans still subscribe to his vision of progressive change, President Barack Obama asserted in an interview recently he could have succeeded in this year`s election if he was eligible to run.

`I am confident in this vision because I`m confident that if I had run again and articulated it, I think I could`ve mobilized a majority of the American people to rally behind it,` Obama told his former senior adviser David Axelrod in an interview for the The Axe Files podcast, produced by the University of Chicago Institute of Politics and CNN.

CNN

In the closing weeks of the 2016 race, President Obama put his prestige and legacy on the line, as he campaigned for Hillary Clinton in critical swing states.

In an unprecedented election season it was unprecedented for on incumbent president to campaign for the candidate he wished to be his successor.

We all know how the story unfolded, with Donald Trump winning, and Hillary Clinton losing in an electoral landslide.

If Obama had been eligible to run for a third term he would have been defeated, it was a change election, an the orange-faced clown would have soundly defeated the biracial Kenyan.

Nevertheless, let`s fantasize what a third Obama administration would look like:

Malia Obama a porn star?

In the last two years of Obama`s 2nd term we witnessed the sad spectacle of Malia playing beer pong, and twerking, smoking pot and exposing her butt at Lollapalooza. Malia is planning on taking off a year before attending Harvard, she would have ample time to explore her slutty tendencies.

Race War?

From the start of his first term Obama demonstrated his his knee-jerk response of always siding with black persons in their interactions with white police officers. Surely we haven`t forgotten the Henry Louis Gates incident? Throughout his two terms in office Obama could always be counted on to side with black lawbreakers, and to blame the police. Obama`s hatred of white people gave birth to the racist BLM movement, and it`s not a stretch to imagine that during a third Obama term race relations would deteriorate to a flat-out race war.

The Destruction of Israel

From his 2009 Cairo speech Obama articulated his pro-Muslim stance, and until his last day in office he never stopped pandering to Islamists. The Iran deal was a disaster for Israel and the free world, and the UN vote against Israel settlements, masterminded by Obama himself, was a betrayal of Israel and a death blow to the peace process. It`s manifest that Obama has an undying hatred of of Israel and the Jewish people, and under a 3rd Obama term there would be a mushroom cloud over Israel.

Nuclear Armageddon

Obama`s reset with the Russian Federation was an unqualified disaster, his sanctions against the patriot Putin, and his meddling in Russia`s backyard would culminate in nuclear war in a third Obama term.

Great Depression

You don`t have to be a rocket scientist or an economics major to discern that the American economy can`t continue to absorb trillions in debt.

Thank God the constitution prohibits a president for running for a 3rd term, even an Oompa Loompa egomaniac can`t do half the damage that Obama would wreak in a 3rd term.

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Joe Biden: Hillary Lost Because She Had No Vision

“Democrats are finally beginning to put the blame of the election loss on the one person it belongs: Hillary Clinton. In an interview on Monday, Vice President Joe Biden identified the reason Hillary Clinton`s campaign just couldn`t connect with voters – she had no vision about why she was actually running.”

The Blaze

Some folks are born with a sliver spoon in mouth, Joe Biden was born with his foot in his mouth. Biden`s commentary on the important issues of the day has about as much gravitas as the farts that emanate from his ass.

Biden served a vital role in the Obama administration as the Court Jester, in these trying times we need comic relief.

A broken clock is right twice a day, and even a moron like Biden has insightful comments every once in a blue moon.

Biden placed the blame for Hillary`s humiliating loss squarely on her shoulders, she had no vision and she couldn`t articulate why she was running, other than it was time for a vagina to sit in the Oval Office.

The electorate wasn`t obsessed with breaking the glass ceiling, they cared about vanishing manufacturing jobs, rising taxes and ISIS. Hillary`s message resonated with upper class feminist lesbians, Trump`s “America First” slogan resonated with regular folks.

Biden is an ass, but sometimes the Almighty speaks through an ass, and Democrats would be well-advised to listen to him.

Read More:

http://www.theblaze.com/news/2016/12/26/joe-biden-racism-not-to-blame-for-clinton-loss/

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Outrage: Donald Trump Receives Standing Ovation at a Christian Church! Video!

“President-elect Donald Trump and future first lady Melania Trump received a standing ovation Christmas Eve when they arrived unannounced at a church service.

Trump attended a Christmas Eve church service at the Episcopal Church of Bethesda-by-the-Sea, a historic church just a short drive from his Mar-a-Lago Estate in South Florida.

They sat in the fourth row, with secret service agents seated in the rows in front of him and behind, according to the Palm Beach Post.”

Daily Caller

The President-elect should be treated cordially whenever he makes a public appearance, whether it`s at a sporting event, political rally or a church service.
But for Trump to be greeted with a raucous cheers and a standing ovation at a Christian church is an abomination and an affront to the Almighty.

Trump`s life is the antithesis of Christianity — he embodies the seven deadly sins: Lust, gluttony, greed, laziness, wrath, envy and pride.

Even the devil himself should be welcomed at a Christian church, but to treat Trump like the Messiah is exceedingly unseemly and sacrilegious.

It`s manifest, even to a non-religious person, that the Episcopal Church of Bethesda-by-the-Sea worships worldly success and celebrity, and not Jesus Christ.

My guess is that the only person this church would welcome more warmly is the Antichrist himself.

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/25/trump-receives-standing-ovation-at-christmas-eve-church-service-video/#ixzz4Tz5AZgfp

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Seal Terrorizes Australian Town on Christmas

“An Australian couple woke up Christmas morning to find a fur seal doing its best impression of a hood ornament on their car, but residents of the town say this is not the first time a seal has tried to move in to the neighborhood.

Animal control officers in Newstead, a suburb of Tasmania, subdued the seal as it ran from driveway to driveway and car to car through the neighborhood, apparently unsure how to get back to the nearby waterway it came from.”

UPI

I wouldn`t be surprised if a dingo wreaked havoc Down Under on a Christmas morning, kidnapping a baby from a living nativity scene, or if kangaroo flash mob attacked shoppers at a mall.

Australians wage a never-ending battle to reclaim their land from the native wildlife, if you visit Australia make sure you are never without a knife worthy of Crocodile Dundee.

But it`s not often that a seal goes wilding in Australia, this seal terrorized Newstead before it was subdued by animal control officers.

Most dangerous job in the world: Animal control officer in Australia.

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Deconstructing Donald Trump’s Christmas Tweet

Donald Trump wished his Twitter followers “Merry Christmas” on Sunday morning with a photograph depicting him walking past a Christmas tree, with his tiny fist raised and clenched.

Trump should have tempered his celebratory mood and not raised his diminutive fist in victory, his pathetically small hand defaces the image.

Trump couldn`t even take the time to pose for a professional Christmas family photograph — nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a lazy screencap.

Why feature himself walking past the Christmas tree, it`s as if he wants to leave the Christmas spirit of peace, love and brotherhood behind, and focus on dividing the country.

Where on Earth are his wife Melania, his beautiful daughters, and his sons? Christmas is all about family, a Christmas family photo with just the father is like a nativity scene without Baby Jesus.

This Christmas tweet from Trump infuriates me, I hope Santa shovels coal up his ass, I pray Jesus smites him with lightning turning his orange face black, and I hope and pray Krampus bites off his disgusting tiny hand.

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia

The Naked Truth About Donald Trump

It`s axiomatic that Donald Trump has diminutive hands and by extension a tiny penis.

The Donald brags that he`s well-endowed, but is there anyone who doubts that he would have pulled out his penis during the primary debate when Little Marco implied that he had a tiny pecker, if he was telling the truth?

But enough discussion about Trump`s micro-penis, it turns out that he`s also been lying about his stature. Trump claims he`s 6`3,” but his driver`s license lists him at 6`2.”

Pinocchio`s nose grew whenever he told a lie; if Trump`s Johnson grew an inch every time he fibbed he would be the biggest dick in the world – literally, not just figuratively.

Trump likes to boast about his high IQ, and his staffers have said that he has an IQ of 156. But his grammatically-challenged tweets and his speeches which are written at a 6th grade level suggest otherwise. Snopes.Com labels the claim that Trump has an IQ of 156 as FALSE.

In summary Trump has a short attention span, short temper, dull mind, and a tiny worm. Let`s hope and pray that Trump doesn`t get into a pissing contest with world leaders, and that his fingers will be too tiny to dial the red phone.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Kilt-wearing Santa From Hell Rides a Unicycle in Portland: Video

“An Oregon man was filmed doing his part to keep Portland weird by dressing up as a Scottish Santa and playing flaming bagpipes while riding a unicycle.

Brian Kidd, aka The Unipiper, posted a video to YouTube showing him ringing in the holiday season in a festively eccentric fashion.”

UPI

A kilt-wearing Santa riding a unicycle and playing flaming bagpipes is wrong on so many levels.

Only in Portland, a city renowned for its weird vibe, could you get away with pulling this stunt, in any other city this man would have been tarred, feathered and kicked to the curb.

Anyone riding a unicycle is an attention-seeking whore, the kilt and the flaming bagpipes are just overkill.

A Santa wearing a kilt is an abomination; I hope and pray Kidd gets run over by reindeer.

Merry Christmas to my readers in Portland and all over the world!

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DECEMBER ARCHIVES PAGE TWO:

http://robertpaulreyes.com/december-archives-page-two-of-robert-paul-reyes-articles/